Quality Family Time is Important

You know what we do for fun at my house? We play Fox News Channel vs. The Kids. By "The Kids", I mean my kids, Mina (5 1/2) and Audrey (2 1/2).

For dinner, I served Baked chicken, broccoli and raspberries.

Mina: I like broccoli. Broccoli makes you smart.

Me: That's true.

Mina: And broccoli makes you walk faster.

Me: That hasn't been proven. Can you back that up with facts?

Mina: It's true.

Me: Why? Because you say it's true? Don't spout your lefty propaganda around here.

Mina: What's "ganda"?

Husband: Next you'll try and tell me carrots have feelings.

Audrey: Carrots are good!

Me: No need for ad hominem attacks here, little missy.

Husband: It's a strawman argument.

Mina: The strawman is in the Wizard of Oz.

Me: Frank Baum was a Communist.

Husband: Pinko Commie, just like the rest of the drive-by media.

Mina: Pink is my favorite color!

Me: Mina, why do you hate America?

Are you really that suprised?

Ann Coulter is running at the mouth again, not that I thought she ever stopped.

If you read the article, it is obvious she tries to backtrack at the end, but the damage is already done. Maybe the hormones aren't working correctly. Maybe she's angry science hasn't yet come up with a way to remove her Adam's Apple. Maybe, and I think this is the key here....

Maybe she's just saying what's really on her mind.

Don't get me wrong, I am not applauding her vile vitriol. I think she is the epitome of cuntiness. But I have to give her credit for her outstanding example of making a complete fucktard out of oneself in the name of Conservatism.

I wish more "right wingers" would follow in her footsteps.

They sugar-coat the spew with their "hate the sin, not the sinner" bullshit, but the truth is they don't like Gay people or really anyone who doesn't buy into their fairytale. And why would they? I don't really care (or maybe it's more of a fear factor) for people who collect Longaberger baskets or who followed The Grateful Dead or Phish around back in the day. The difference being that the people I don't like chose to love overpriced schlock and annoying jam bands.

I'm fine with the fact that people like Mr. Coulter don't like me or people I call my closest friends. I'm especially pleased when they make their case publicly. It just isolates them more and more from normal people with reasoning abilities above a second grade level (no offense to any second graders out there).

Nothing would make me happier than if they got ol' Tranny...I mean Annie to speak at the Republican National Convention come election time. Hell, give her a government job--maybe put her in charge of the Protest Banner Committee. Anything to drag the far Right deeper into the swamp of unelectability.

Less work for me, I say.

Did I miss something?

The Mister and I listen to WLS in the morning because apparently we are sadists. It's the only explanation I can come up with, aside from the old "know your enemy" adage. We'll catch Hannity and Colmes or The O'Reilly Factor for the same reason. I used to listen to Rush here and there, but my erratic driving and retching was putting my children at risk. Also, I didn't want to accidentally make them NeoCon assholes.

For the past week or so, a piece of my morning entertainment has been missing and replaced with yet another talking ass of the male persuasion.

Where's Eileen Byrne?

I've missed her special brand of over-the-top cuntiness, her holier-than-thou spouting, and the warmth of her hateful spew. She was like my discount Ann Coulter. Who's going to save me from my Liberal ways? Who is going to save my heathen soul?

How will I waste my cell phone minutes if I'm not waiting on hold to tell her that the Pay by Touch machines at Jewel are surely a sign of the Apocalypse or that I plan on breastfeeding my children in public until they are in sixth grade?

I never even got a chance to golf with her at one of her special WLS outings. Surely she would have regaled me with stories of her perfect Catholic life. We could have gotten really drunk. I could have "accidentally" punched her in the face.

Now what am I supposed to do?