Groundhog Day

You've seen it, right? My life is starting to feel like that movie.

First they cancelled school on Wednesday, then Thursday, then today. And we already had Monday off.

I'm getting a leetle bit stir crazy being in the house this long.

We have been playing the Wii a LOT. The girls' favorite thing to do (beside Mario Party) is make Miis. We have like 4,000 of them now. Mina's have names like Puffy and Sprinkles and Cutie. Audrey can't spell yet so all of hers are named xczvm,k;l and bljpx;l. I think that's Czech, but I could be wrong.

The music has penetrated my soul at this point. The girls are starting to make up words to it.

I like those eyes no

make them bigger pleeeeeease

I don't like her hair no

make it lighter theeerrreee

stop kicking me in the head MOM!

Get off of me! I'm telling!

I'm thirsty Mom, please get us some juice

when is lunch

I am starved

Get your foot off of me

I am going to scream

She needs bigger eyebrows

and some freckles

make her short....

You get the gist.

Soon it's going to be like another movie around here.

The Shining.

And not a single bra in my freezer

Mina hosted her first slumber party last night.

They had fun. I survived.

I took some adorable pictures, but I feel weird posting photos of other people's kids without their permission. Getting their permission would mean letting them read this blog. Letting them read this blog would mean my kid probably wouldn't be invited to any more play dates.

So, no so cute your face will fall off pictures. Sorry.

The two girls Mina invited over arrived promptly at 5pm and immediately made a mad dash for Mina's room to play. Santa brought Mina a kiddie makeup set for Christmas, so they made short work of that right away.

I told Santa I wasn't really down with first graders wearing makeup, but he told me to loosen up a bit. It's only for fun. No one's entering Mina into a beauty contest. No harm. No foul.

Jim had a thing in Chicago so I suggested he take Audrey to my parent's house to avoid any bickering between her and her sister. They get along for the most part, but I know that when one has their friends over, all bets are off. Mina got to have her little party without competing for attention and Audrey got Grandma and Papa all to herself. Everybody wins!

My friend Lauren came over for the first part of the night. She's the art teacher at one of the local elementary schools. It was nice to not only have another adult there to hang with, but an adult who is used to dealing with kids in groups.

I know how to deal with my own kids. They know I do not take whining or bullshit or general dumbfuckery lightly. When you add two other kids I'm not raising into the mix, I'm always afraid of permanently scarring someone.

I fed them dinner, fed them brownies, let them loose on some pre-prepared craft supplies and gave them full reign on pretty much whatever they wanted to do.

This when I realized that having an odd number at a slumber party isn't such a hot idea.

They have such different personalities that it was inevitable that someone was getting left out.

Mina can get along with pretty much anyone, but I could tell she was being pulled back and forth between her two guests.

One is quiet and thoughtful. She would rather sit and color and do crafty stuff and chat. Mina is all about making art. They get along famously.

The other girl is loud and likes to do a million things at once. Mina is all about being loud and raucous. They get along famously.

It's the dynamic between the two guests that didn't go so well.

The loud girl kept snarking at the quiet girl. Not cool.

The loud girl kept trying to tell Mina secrets while leaving the quiet girl out of it. Double not cool.

I could see Mina trying to please both of them, to keep both of them happy and it was killing me not to tell the loud girl to cut the bullshit.

I tried to stay close enough to ward off hurt feelings, but I also thought they needed to work some stuff out on their own.

It got to be 9:30 and I was dropping big ol' hints that they needed to start thinking about going to bed.

Mina usually goes to be at 7:30, even on the weekends. She's 7 years old. She needs her sleep, period.

I finally got them to lay down at 10 pm.

I think I was asleep by 10:05.

And then my brain exploded and my arm fell off

We're going to be at the in laws' for Christmas Eve and day, so Santa graciously stopped by our house a couple days early to accommodate our busy schedule. He appreciated our predicament and happily acquiesced.

Jim went apeshit this year. He assures me that he stuck to our no credit card rule and paid all cash.

First, we got a Wii and a Wii Fit. I was jonesin' something fierce for those two gems. He got a bunch of games too, so we're pretty much not leaving the house until we are dragged out. Whoever comes to extricate me will have to come at me from the left. My right arm could punch through a wall at this point. Who gets sore from playing a video game? Me, that's who.

Second, he got me a new laptop. This is genius for many reasons including the fact that my current laptop is pretty much a zombie at this point. Add to that Audrey used it as a footstool last week and it has lovely ink splatter-like streaks across the monitor.

The girls were giddy over their gifts. Santa did a really good job this year. Honestly though, how hard is it to buy for a 7 and 4 1/2 year old? Um...one of everything and throw in some sparkle markers. Done!

We don't ever go super crazy with the girls' gifts. The grandparents' have the whole spoil the grandkids thing down pat. We try to figure out what their "big" gift will be and throw in a smattering of stuff we know they will love.

Mina is really into designing clothes right now so I found this kit with stencils and sequins and pretty paper and shit and she loved it. It even comes with teeny tiny hangers.

Audrey thinks the Care Bears are tits and I found a movie at Target for 5 bucks.

They both got kits to write their own books. Mina's is one you send back to the company once it's done and they make an actual hardcover book out of it. Audrey's is a DIY pop-up book.

I love finding stuff like that.

We've been so busy playing with our new toys that I haven't even had the time to open the box my laptop came in. That might happen at some point, but right now it's my turn to get that much closer to my carpal tunnel surgery. Wiiiiiiii!

One Christmas down

I spent this weekend with my family celebrating the first Christmas of the season.

I'm lucky because my side of the family picks a weekend well before the actual day to get together instead of expecting everyone to travel like maniacs trying to get all their visiting done at once.

I drove up to my parents' house early Saturday and we headed to NW Indiana to our annual pot luck eating extravaganza.

It was fun to see family I don't see but once (or twice, if I'm lucky) a year. Our family is so big that we have to rent a space to meet at. No one's house is big enough to hold us all. Even with some of our crew missing, it was still a tight fit.

The girls and I headed back to my parents' house afterwards and opened even more gifts. We spent the night and the next morning my Mom said that she had been sick in the night. At first she thought it might be food poisoning so we tried to compare and contrast what each of us had or didn't have because my Dad, the girls and I were all fine.

We left for home earlier than planned because I could see my poor Mom was exhausted.

We weren't 2 minutes from home when I heard Mina from the back seat, "Mom...I kind of feel like I have to puke."

Now, if you have children under the age of 12 you know that when your kid says they think they might throw up, you have about .005 seconds to get them somewhere acceptable to spew.

By the time they say they are going to be sick, it's already too late.

As soon as she blessed her lap and her booster seat with breakfast she said she felt "much much better".

I called Jim from the car to make sure he had supplies at the ready. I cracked the windows and told the girls to sit tight for the next few blocks. I have to say, Mina was a real trooper. She had to sit in her own barf for what probably felt like an eternity and didn't complain once. She'll make a fine college student, no?

I don't think it's the flu. She was hungry for lunch and dinner and has been playing sans whining or fever for a few hours now.

I'm just holding my breath for Audrey's inevitable puke-fest in the middle of the night.

I cannot have gotten off this easily, can I?

Out of the mouths of babes

"Your hair smells like the library." (Mina)


"What if this was Crazy Town?" (Audrey)

Dichotomy

Yesterday I got the best email from Mina's teacher:

Hi!
I just have to email you and tell you how much I like working with Mina. She brightens every day!! Her smile is one of the most beautiful smiles!! My son was really impressed with her the day he came and saw the program. She was helping us move desks and Ryan asked what her name was. She really makes an impression on people because of her personality. I just want you to know that I think she is such a wonderful little girl. I want to keep her for another year!!!!
Mrs. J

I emailed her back and thanked her for completely making my day. I also thanked her for being such a great teacher. Mina adores her and I can tell that she is really retaining what she is learning. She actually applies what she's learned, and that to me is the sign of a great teaching style (well, and a smart kid).

The teacher then sent this:

I just adore her and listen to every word she says because everything she says has meaning. I don’t say this about many students. I just know as a parent I would want to know that my child’s teacher feels this way. You have done a beautiful job with her. She is so much a polite, young lady already. Have a great day!

Who doesn't like to hear how kick ass their kid is? Yeah, I'm pretty damn proud of my big girl.


That's not to say that I'm not madly in love with little Miss Audrey. She's just a whole different animal from Mina. Audrey is my clone. Perfect strangers even comment on how much she looks like me. It's cool, but also kind of weird at the same time.

Her personality is a little more "aggressive" than Mina's. She's not physically aggressive, but she isn't afraid to use verbal force to state her case--even when it's a bigger kid on the other end of the dis.

Today we had this exchange:

Audrey: Mama, could you please help me take off my shoes?
Me: Sure, since you asked so nicely.
Audrey: I was nice to Carter (a boy in her preschool class) today.
Mama: Well, that's good. Are you usually NOT nice to him?
Audrey: Um...how much nice?

Poor Carter.

And that, my friends is a fine example of our kick ass parenting

Last night in the tub, Mina told her father that she was going to vote for John McCain.

Jim: Why?
Mina: I like him.
Jim: You LIKE him?
Mina: Yes. I like him.
Jim: WHY do you like him? Is it because he looks like a Grandpa? (Note: McCain does sort of look like my Dad--who is a die hard Republican. Then again, so does Captain Picard.) Who's telling you to like John McCain? Is it someone at school?
Mina: No. I just like him.

We went to sleep on that, but this morning I brought it up again.

Me: Mina, who really told you to like John McCain?
Mina: NO ONE, Mama!
Jim: You know he's a bad man, don't you?
Mina: (looks worried)
Me: Yeah, and he wants to tell you what to do with your own body!
Mina: (looks confused)
Jim: And he hates dogs.
Mina: He hates dogs?!
Jim: Yeah, he kicks them when he sees them. He got a dog just to kick it.
Mina: That's mean!
Me: I know! And wants to tell people who they can marry.
Mina: I don't want to get married!
Me: Well, if you vote for John McCain, he'll MAKE you get married.
Jim: ...and kick dogs.

Then Audrey piped in."I like arockabama!"
Me: Good girl.

Jim: John McCain hates our dogs.
Mina: But they're so cute! Would he kick OUR dogs?
Jim and Me: Yup.

Mina: I don't like John McCain anymore.
Me: Good girl.

Wine: It's what's for dinner

I love three day weekends. Love them. It's so nice to have an extra day devoid of schedules, making lunches, fighting over what Mina is going to wear that day, etc. etc. etc.

The only problem is that I forgot that I did schedule something for today.

Maybe I was thrown off because we only had one usable car today. Jim needed brakes on his van.

Strike one, Columbus Day weekend.

I hate going to the gym on Mondays so I took Jim and the girls there and I was planning on running some errands then going to pick them up.

About halfway there I got a call from the person I was supposed to giving a haircut (along with her husband, her two kids, her friend and her two kids). Oops.

I had it on the calendar. I just didn't check it before leaving the house today.

I felt like a total asshole. Mostly because this is isn't the first time I've done this to her. I flaked out last haircut appointment too. I felt like an official fucktard.

Strike two.

The day started shaping up better after I made a little money doing the haircuts and got Jim's van to Sears and him to work. Mina got one of those free pizza things from school for doing her reading stuff.

I took the girls to lunch there and we had a lot of fun. They were perfect angels the whole time and even afterwards at the grocery store.

Yes, the day was turning out OK. The weather was gorgeous and the girls played outside together (no fighting!) and even came inside to play together in the basement (no screeching!).

I capitalized on their good behavior to take a little quiet time for myself upstairs.

Naturally, there is a Strike three.

Am I new? Did I forget the Golden Rule of parenting?

When all is quiet, all is still
Do not assume there's danger nil.
When not a nary sound they make
It's best to have a look to take.
If children play without a sound,
Do not walk, but quickly bound.
For minors left to their own accord....
Are most likely trashing the fucking basement.

I first realized something was "off" when Audrey appeared in the living room completely naked and soaking wet. There is a bathroom, but no shower or a tub to be found down there, so I just knew they were making a mess of apocalyptic proportions.

And I was correct in that assumption.

It seems they thought it was a good idea to "wash" about 15 stuffed animals in the sink. Not only that, but they thought the computer chair would be a great place to let them dry-the computer chair that sits on top of carpet.

The bathroom was a real treat too! A good inch of water on the floor and sloppy clumps of wet toilet paper strewn about. Nothing says "good time" like mounds of mushy slop all over the place.

Words escaped me for a moment. Then they didn't. I'm pretty sure the neighbors heard the tirade. Most of them have children that are or very recently were my children's' ages, so I know they have been in my position at one point or another and aren't going to hold the yell fest against me.

The girls both knew they were in deep shit too. I'm almost certain that actual steam came out of my ears. I told them to go to their rooms and get dry clothes on. Not only were they wet, but the clothes they were wearing earlier were also soaking wet in a pile on the carpet down there.

I got NO argument.

When I told them that neither of them get to watch TV for the rest of the week, they just nodded their heads.

We left the house shortly after the 'discovery of evidence' to go pick Jim up from work. When I told him what happened, he laughed.

When I went next door to the record shop to say hello and tell them what happened, they thought it was funny too.

And you know what? It IS funny. In fact, it's pretty god damned hilarious. But I can't let my kids know that. I'm afraid that the next time they might escalate the "hilarity".

Don't get me wrong. I am still pretty pissed off that they thought it was a good idea to wash stuffed animals in the sink and proceed to make a monumental mess, but now that I am looking at the bottom of a glass of wine, I can definitely see the humor in all of this.

And I'm going to watch CNN every day after school just to spite them.

By the way, I hit someone on a bike a couple weeks ago

Yup. Just as the title states.

I'm thankful for two things:

1) The girl I hit is OK.
2) It totally wasn't my fault.

I was driving Mina to school and was at the four way stop a few blocks from my house. I waited for my turn and, just as I let off the brake to go, I had a college coed on my hood. Not in a teenage boy fantasy Whitesnake video kind of way either.

It happened so fast. I seriously did not see her until she was right there splayed across the front end of my car.

She got right back up and started apologizing to me. I felt like an attempted murderess.

A witness across the street called 911 and they were there in like 3 minutes.

The cop was super nice and kept asking Mina if she was alright (she was).

Basically, the girl wasn't watching and didn't stop at the crosswalk before riding through. There was no way I could have stopped in time. The witness, the cop and even the girl all said it wasn't my fault.

I held it together until I had to call Jim at home and tell him he needed to give Audrey a ride to preschool. Then I started a lovely hysterical sob in front of Mina. And still, she held it together.

It took me a whole weekend to process the whole ordeal.

Monday I took my car in for an estimate on the damage. My car came away with some hefty scratches and a dent. I wasn't really going to do anything about it, but my insurance agent said I really should as this would seriously lower my trade in value.

TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

We're turning it into her parents' insurance. There's no way I would be able to get it fixed otherwise. Since the cop said it was her fault, her Mommy and Daddy get to pay for the fixin'.

Except that her Mom isn't being real forthcoming with the info. My agent said she's, and I quote, "being real North Shore cunty about it".

Apparently Mommy doesn't understand why we would "go to all this trouble on a 6 year old car".

HA!

Sorry I can't trade in my lease for the newest Jag every other year. Some of us have to drive older cars that they worked very hard to get paid off.

So Friday will be two weeks since the accident and I still haven't heard a word from their insurance. I can't really do anything about it until their person comes and does their own assessment of the damage.

Part of me thinks they might try and fight it. Can they do that?

More importantly, is there a possibility I can come away from this with a new car?

Why I have never been nor will I ever be a teacher

Mina's in first grade now.

For the most part, she loves it. Occasionally she comes home with "mean girl" tales (it's starts in kindergarten people, and it sucks ASS), but she's chugging along nonetheless.

Almost every night she has homework. We have a nice little routine going where she'll have a snack at the table and work on whatever her teacher sent home that day.

After seeing what she's supposed to do I tell her to work on it and I'll check it when she's done.

And herein lies the problem.

When I was pregnant with her, my first child, people would ask me what I was having. When I told them the baby was a girl some people would get all giddy and squishy about it.

"Oh, maybe she'll have red hair like you!"
"I bet you can't wait to do her hair all pretty!"
"I LOVE buying girl clothes--all that pink!"

And OK, maybe those things did cross my mind, but the thing I wanted most for my baby girl was for her to be smart.

I remember a conversation with a friend of mine during my pregnancy. When the words "Dougie Howser, MD" passed my lips, you would have thought I wished for my baby to be born with a tail (P.S. That thought also crossed my mind).

"But why would you want her to be a freak?!"

So maybe being a doctor at ten wasn't ever going to be in the cards (damn you Neil Patrick Harris or setting the bar so high), but was it too much to hope she would have a head up in the academic world?

I'm not saying Mina isn't bright. She's an amazing artist and comes up with fantastic stories which she illustrates herself. Socially, she's a firecracker and can make friends in an instant. She's the kid at the playground who'll have eight other kids playing underwater mermaid ninja adventure ten minutes after we get there.

The schoolwork however is another story.

I try to help her correct her homework, but the whole ordeal leaves me wanting to poke my eyes out with a No. 2 pencil. I get so frustrated. Didn't she JUST learn this at school? Didn't her teacher come up with some cute fancy way to help them remember how to make 17 cents a few different ways? Didn't we just read that same word a page ago?

It's like she's guessing most of the time or waiting to guess what I want her to say. She doesn't take her time and think it through. The "17 cents" homework sent me into fits. It's COUNTING for chrissake. I know very well she can count and add and what the different coins are worth.

I try to keep my utter lack of patience on the down low. I'm sure I'm not doing a very good job.

Thankfully Jim has much more patience than I and can come up with those cute fancy ways teachers have of helping students remember things.

I know I probably set an unreasonable set of expectations Mina's shoulders. Not all kids are going to "get" everything the first few times they are taught something. It doesn't help that she gets mad at herself (and wants to either give up or not try something at all) if she isn't good at it. My poor little Type A child.

I did that to her. It's OK. I can admit that. I didn't mean to, but it happened and now all I can do is try to fix it...

By letting her father help her with her homework for awhile.

Dance Party USA!

I had to add this video. Travis and Kevin got us this fantastic musical anniversary card. The girls LOVED it.


Naturally I had to get their dance on record even though Mina seemed awfully peeved that I made her perform ("OK! I'll do it!").


Why the hell do people have kids if they can't be entertained by them?

Back to Normal

We got home last night and now it's back to business as usual in the Bacon Family Household.



Had a great time despite the heat then the rain, then more heat and more rain.



We had to get the girls up SO early to get to the airport. I told them they could stay in their pajamas.



Mina thought it was cool we got to watch the sunrise.





Our layover in Atlanta (which the girls kept calling "Atlantis")





In Orlando we stayed at the timeshare where my Aunt and Uncle own a place. They told my Mom that we'd have a full kitchen and washer and dryer.



Uh...not so much.



But it was clean and fufilled our needs which was a place to sleep, shower and store our shit. Also, there was a washer and dryer in our building that we could use which was a good thing because I only brought enough clothes for half the week.



Our neighbors liked to stay up late and cook (burn) food at around 1am every night, so by the second day I stopped telling the girls to be quiet in the hallway in every morning.



Future neighbors be warned: If you're going to make all kinds racket until the wee hours, don't expect to sleep in.



Here's a shot Mina got at breakfast by the pool one of the mornings:







It was just Grandma, the girls and I until Wednesday when my brother got there and Thursday when Jim got there.



We spent Monday and Tuesday at Sea World (or "Water World", as the girls kept calling it. No Kevin Costner to be found anywhere.)



It was so bright, I managed to keep getting crooked shots (that's my excuse anyway). Oh, and it was already close to 90 freakin' degrees by 9 o'clock in the morning.





Meeting Elmo after the show:





Cool merry-go-round:





We fed dolphins:





Saw the manatees (real and bronze):





Played in Shamu's Happy Harbor:





Mina liked playing in the sand most of all. Audrey is a bit more adventurous and loved the roller coaster and other rides.



We didn't end up seeing the Shamu show. My Mom and I were hellbent on taking the girls to see it, but they didn't really give a shit either way. This was a good thing as we would have had to wait in line for about an hour in the searing sun.



We did however get a couple pictures out front on our way out to at least say they saw a fiberglass replica of the whale.









My brother arrived bearing gifts. He helped them make their own fairy getups:

And now...the Disney experience:

Breakfast with Pooh and Friends

I think he farted or something

They look so glum, and we had just gotten there (maybe because it was already 95 degrees?)

But they did cheer up

Whoooooo!

I think Audrey was trying to steal her jewelry

And this is what we had on our hands by the end of day two:

This is back at home. No Disney trip is complete without a lighter wallet. (Some of) the goods:

...Now what do you want to do?

Whoo Hoo! We're leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn!

I can't believe I've kept this a secret from the girls this whole time. Some of you may not now, but I have a BIG mouth.

In the past I've let a few things slip without thinking. One time I broke the news of a friend's pregnancy to another friend who didn't know yet. I felt horrible.

I'm working on it. This whole ordeal was a test of my blabber mouth for sure.

I've got just about everything packed. I started loading up the suitcases in secret a few days ago.

The other day we were at the grocery store and I bought some of those cheapy rain ponchos. Mina was pretty curious as to why I would buy such a thing when she and her sister have perfectly good raincoats hanging in their closets.

"It might rain." is all I told her, and she was satisfied with the answer.

My Mom is headed down here this afternoon, and I think we're going to sit the girls down after dinner and tell them what's up.

I was going to wait until we woke them up tomorrow morning to tell them, but I really want them to find out at the same time.

Yeah, they probably won't sleep very well tonight, but I think telling them tonight will get their little booties moving a little faster tomorrow morning. Considering we have to leave the house by a quarter to 5am, this is a good thing.

I'm going to catch their reaction to the news on video.

It should be posted tonight.

She's already planning her escape

Mina wrote this note to Jim and left it in the mailbox for him to find this moring (without any help from me):

Mom is Varry crase TOday
DaD WD You Help me
P.S. I luv you.

I'll go ahead and apologize first

'Cause someone's bound to get offended. If you happen to be a friend of mine, and you fit or have ever fit the description below, don't think I don't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't hang out with you. And why do you care if I like you anyway?

There. I said it.

A couple of days ago Mina, as she does on an almost daily basis, asked me a hard-to-answer question completely out of left field.

Sometimes she wants to know what would happen if our house caught on fire.

"...but what if you and Daddy were asleep and couldn't save us?"

"...but what if you didn't wake up in time?"

"...but what if all my toys burned up? I like my toys!"

..."but I DON'T WANT NEW ONES!"

Neurosis is hereditary, and her future therapist(s) are going to hate me.

Her latest was, "Mama, what's a hippy?"

I try to keep it clean and, when necessary, clear cut and simple around the kidlets, so I told her it was someone who cared a lot about the Earth.

She thought about it for a moment.

"I care about the Earth! And Jesus."

Always with the Jesus, that one.

Then she wanted to know if Jesus was a hippy, and the more I thought about it the more I felt I could honestly answer in the affirmative.

"Mama, am I a hippy?"

I went through a more extensive checklist in my head:

-cares about the environment: check

-likes to run around naked: check

-doesn't brush hair: check

-listens to crappy music: not when I can help it

-smells like patchouli: negative

-feels superiority over everyone else: sometimes

-follows overrated bands around the country: not that I know of

-sleeps with everyone's boyfriend: presently, no

"No honey, you are not a hippy. And if I have anything to say about it, you won't ever be."

Thistle

As a parent, the things you will do for your children makes for a very long list.

It begins with the whole letting another human being take up residence is what was once a firm taut belly and ends somewhere around...well, it doesn't ever truly end.

I've wiped heinous poop explosions off of many surfaces (including the wall, my shirt and underneath my fingernails). I've caught puke in my bare hands. And I even had to put a fever-reducing suppository into my wee baby's butt.

But there is one thing I cannot bear (aside from watching Dora): loose teeth.

Mina is at an age where she is losing them faster than a meth addict on a bender.

The squick factor is high, not helped by the fact that she wants me to actually wiggle the hanging on by a thread fuckers myself.

Excuse me. I had to stop to retch for a moment.

The only saving grace of the whole experiment is that she looks even cuter with missing teeth. More like a goofy little imp than a hillbilly.

Her adult teeth are starting to come in around the remaining baby teeth and I can already tell that she is going to have my teeth.

Mine may look fine now, but as a kid I had truly awful teeth. The first time I got braces put on was in third grade if that tells you anything.

At least she doesn't have the horrid overbite I did. I'll go ahead and thank Jim's bucky-balancing genes for that.

Jim is out of town, so I need to figure out how to get something from the tooth fairy on the DL. Our tooth fairy has brought small gifts for each tooth so far. Might be time for her to start making with the cash money.

A few weeks ago, while visiting the inlaws for Father's Day, my father-in-law mentioned that they would be happy to help with the cost of braces for the girls when the time came.

Small miracles, people. Small miracles.

Back in business

I got my laptop back today! Hooray!



It almost seems brand new too. New battery, new keyboard, soldered power plug (the old one wouldn't stay in place) and best of all, what amounted to approximately a half loaf of bread crumbs removed from the interior.



All's well, and now I can post entries on here whenever I want to.



This isn't necessarily a good thing. I might start talking about lunch again.



I'm debating whether or not to bring the laptop to Italy with me. Probably won't. If I need to dump pictures, I'll just find an internet point. Yes, that's what they call them over there. I'm so European already, see?



Apparently my in laws want to bring the girls back the day I get home. It wouldn't be such a big deal if I wasn't driving straight home from O'Hare (two hours at least) after a 14+ hour plane ride home.



I assume I'll miss them and everything, but I kind of wanted a few hours to sit on my couch alone and cry that my trip is over. Jim will gone that weekend, so I won't have him here to buffer the full force of my darling heathens after a week spent split between both sets of grandparents.



It's OK. I'll live. What am I even complaining about? I get to do something every stay at home parent dreams about doing. Leaving home ALONE for a week.



I'll shut up about that now, and share some funny shit that's happened 'round here lately.

Almost every time my kids go up to see my parents, they go to the mall and buy something from the Disney store...because my kids need more stuffed animals and/or princess shit. Right.

Apparently the one they go to is going out of business. This upsets Mina very much.

"Maybe we should go visit Grandma more so the store won't close."

That one's got an eye for business, eh?

Audrey has recently joined her sister in her obsessive safety scissor fetish.

Audrey cut a hole in her dress yesterday because she, "forgotted that it wasn't paper". Uh huh. She also cut a hole in underwear today.

Maybe she was hot?

Mina keeps telling anyone within earshot that I won a trip to France. I've stopped correcting her.

A few nights ago, at bedtime, I laid down next to Audrey to tuck her in etc. and she snuggled up to me all sweetly and asked, "So how was your day, Mama?"

Yeah, I'm going to miss them next week for certain.

Definitely My Child

Yesterday I took the girls out on some errands and they each ended up getting one of those beanie baby things. Mina choose a baby Panda Bear. She's had it on her since then, and this morning insisted that she "dressed up like a Panda Bear for school".

We picked her out a black and white outfit and I put her hair up in bunlike ponytails on either side of her head for "ears".

Later, we had this conversation:

Mina: Mama, I want to be a Panda Bear when I grow up. I want our whole family to be Panda Bears.

Me: Um...OK. I guess we'll have to learn to like bamboo.

Mina: Yeah, we can get a bunch of bamboo and make it into bacon.

While I was out

A few weeks ago, we had an "incident".

To back up a little, Mina has a classmate that, from the time he joined their class late in the year, took a liking to her.

At first, she came home and told me that he always insisted on sitting next to her at lunch. They aren't allowed to tell anyone that they can't sit with them at her school (a good rule, in my opinion), so I told her to try and sit between her friends if she didn't want to sit next to him.

Next she came home and told me that he put his arm around her and called her "his woman". Yes, this is a kindergartener we're talking about. She said it bugged her, but she would tell him to leave her alone.

A few weeks later, he smacked her butt. Again, she assured me that she would tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to leave her alone.

I asked her if she told a teacher or if a teacher saw this happen, and she said no to both.

I also asked her if she wanted me to talk to her teacher. She said she would handle it.

If you don't know Mina, let me assure you that she is no wall flower. The girl knows how to speak her mind. I trusted her when she told me that I didn't need to step in.

Then, a few weeks ago Mina and I were driving to a dinner out. She had earned a free pizza through the Book-It program, and I thought it would be nice if I took just her to celebrate her accomplishment.

On the way there, we were just chatting about nothing when she said, "Mama, during resting time at school, Eric hit me in the (private) parts."

All at once, I felt my face go hot and my heart sink into my stomach. A million things raced through my mind and I had to concentrate on driving like I've never had to before.

I again asked her if she told the teacher, and again she didn't say anything.

Then she said, "Don't worry Mama. He's my problem."

And that's when I felt like throwing up in my lap.

I turned around and told her that I was now his problem.


I wanted to storm the castle the next morning, but instead wrote an email to her teacher and principal. They got back to me almost immediately. I knew they would. I also knew that if I went there in person to discuss it I would have gotten overly emotional and that wasn't going to solve anything.

I won't go into the whole spiel of how they handled it, but they handled it to my approval. I was pretty impressed with how quickly they took care of the matter. They took my concerns very very seriously and it was dealt with immediately.

Since then I've come to find out that Eric has a less-than-favorable home life. Really, I already knew that from his behavior. It doesn't take a psychologist to figure that one out.


Yesterday when I walked Mina into school, Eric was already lined up. He started talking to me about how tomorrow was his last day. He was going to "bring in cupcakes and suckers and balloons and candy" for everyone.

I asked him if he was moving away and he told me that he was going to live in Chicago with his grandparents.

I didn't ask him why, but he was more than willing to share the reason: "Carol yells at me too much."

He told me Carol was his foster mom.

His foster mom yells at him too much, so now he is being uprooted to a whole other life to live with grandparents who, for whatever reason, didn't have him living with them in the first place.

I was never angry with Eric for what he did. I knew in my heart that he was only acting out. I hate that my kid was the target of his misguided affection. I hate that this kid may fall between the cracks in the Chicago Public School system, may grow up angry and lonely from being shuffled around in his formative years.

I don't know most of this kid's story, and I kind of wish I did. I feel for the little guy.

Never would I put anyone before my own children, but I still feel like he deserves what every kid deserves: a loving home to live in and people who care about him.

As for Mina, she seems just fine. Every once in a while Jim or I will ask her if anyone "bothered" her at school today. Aside from the usual mean older kids on the playground saying stupid shit to the little kids, she's fine.

Eric brought in cookies and juice today. Eric told Mina that that's all Carol would let him bring.

Not that that's nothing, but I could see how excited he was to tell me about his big plans for today. I know. I'm being melodramatic. I've become quite a softy in my old age.

Bottom line is, someone failed him. I hope his grandparents can pick up the slack.

Spring Break: Not what it used to be

I'm this close to building a cagefighting ring in the backyard and selling tickets.

I may need more medication come Summer vacation.