Which do you want first?

I always pick the "bad news". I like to end on a high note.

The Bad News:
Last night Audrey puked her entire dinner back onto her plate. She's not sick this time. I think I just shouldn't let her have a juice box with dinner. She sucked it down like a camel and it just didn't agree with her I guess. I am really sick of cleaning up barf.

The kitchen sink is cloggity clogged and I can't use my dishwasher either as it is backing up into it as well.

I have to pay someone to come fix it.

Winter has arrived. Sitting outside with my laptop and cigarettes isn't as enjoyable when I'm shivering.

Starbucks still has not called me back about an interview. Now I have to call and do the whole "just checking in" bullshit.



The Good News:
I can pull my size 6 pants off without unbuttoning them (straight out of the dryer!).

I have an excuse to go shopping.



Not sure which category this goes in:
I am woefully addicted to Scrabulous on Facebook.

For your scrapbook

Author, Goddess and all around Kick Ass Woman, Amy Guth tagged me. She apologized for doing so, but what she doesn't know is that I have had nothing of interest to really write about, so I am thankful for the diversion that is the meem...or meme...or however the fuck you spell it.

The Rules are:
~ Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.
~ The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.
~ At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. As an angry, hormone-driven, shiftless college student I swore up and down I would never get married but if I did, I certainly didn't want to have children. It all seemed so pedestrian and booooring.
15 years later I am a married housewife with two children. And I really really love it.

2. I not only read but have a subscription to Better Homes and Gardens. I get excited about articles that discuss storage and decorating. I drool over gardens and the latest in high tech appliances. Some people are into skin flicks. I'll take house porn any day.

3. I am an obessessive list-maker. I'm not just talking 'jot it down on the back of a receipt' kind of lists. My lists are categorized and sometimes color-coded. I've been known to re-write a list if it's too messy.

4. I am a control freak (see #3). It's starting to rub off on my oldest daughter so I am taking pains to reign it in a bit. It's a hard habit to break though.

5. I talk a lot. A lot. Get a few drinks in me and you will most likely go home with a headache from all my yapping. I can't help it. I apparently think I have a lot to say.

6. I have 10 tattoos (11, if you count the one that got covered up by a different one). I am not done.

7. I've had just about every color of hair there is. I used to shave my head after I got tired of a color so I could start fresh.

8. I smoke. I drink. I'm an Atheist. I swear a lot. I eat red meat like I'm going to win a contest for doing so. And I make no apologies for any of it.



I'm not going to tag anyone, but I am going to direct yous to an event held by the tagger of this fine post: Check it.

Grant Miller Asks the Tough Questions

I had the honor of being grilled by none other than Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media. I feel special, and not in a grocery-store-bagger-at-Kroger kind of way either.

I met Grant back in 1991 at an arts camp for high school kids (ironically enough in the very town I live in now), so if you want some juicy dirt on him from his youth...actually I don't have any, but I'd be happy to make something up.

Enjoy!


You and I actually know each other from the real world, but we haven't seen each other since 1993? 1994? Describe why you stopped returning my phone calls.

Well if you'll recall, it wasn't phone calls but letters I stopped returning. I wish they weren't packed in the storage unit. They are still hilarious to read 13 (or is it 14?) years later. Nothing blackmail worthy, but I could be convinced to share them in the future (royalties to be discussed at a later date).
I think I stopped returning them because I was busy doing important college stuff like getting drunk, hopped up on drugs, and having lots and lots of casual sex. That took up most of my time.


2. You worked in a hair salon in Bloomington, Illinois. What's the best way to style a mullet.

Funny you should ask. Just today I saw a man jogging down the street dressed in a 1985-era Bears jersey, matching shorts and knee high sports socks (with stripes). He had a white terry cloth headband holding down a glorious mullet/porn star moustache combo. I teared up a little.

He had the right idea. It's not just about 'business in the front/party in the back', but the look as a whole. One must commit to the mullet, for the mullet is not merely a hairstyle, but a way of life.

3. Keep the sideburns or shave them off?

You could shave them level with the top of your ears and start religiously watching NASCAR. Don't forget to pull back out that free tshirt you got from sending in your Marlboro carton UPCs.

4. You're trying to sell your house. What lies have told prospective buyers or their realtors?

If I get a little hint as to who's doing the looking, I "stage" the house. One time, I knew a professor from the private college in town was looking, so I put out a few pretentious books on the end table. If I know they have kids, I make sure the art table in the dining room has a couple of the kids' drawings set out on it.

One time I almost left something really embarrassing out that would have only appealed to a vampire.


5. Why should people read your blog?

I like to use the word "cunt" in many different forms. Also, I am friends with you which makes me awesome by proxy.