Braggart

I'm currently taking the second of the five classes I need to finish my Associates degree--three of which are math.

I'm not a huge fan of the numbers game, but I decided I would suck it up and plow through to get the piece of paper I've wanted to get for a looong time. I can't transfer back into ISU to get my four year degree without the math, so here we are.

When I went to take the placement test a few months ago, I only tested into the second lowest math class. No big shock there. I haven't taken a math class since high school unless you count the statistics class I passed by the skin of my teeth back at ISU.

Last week we took the fourth test of the semester. This one was supposed to be, in my professor's words, "the really tough one".

And what did I get on it?

95, bitches.

Ninety-frimframmin'-five.

Not only that but, because he decided to grade this test on a curve because of the "poor showing of grades", I found out that I had the highest score in the class.

Of course, Jim was quick to point out that I just fucked up the curve for everyone else. Somehow that made it all the more sweet. Is that mean? Do I care?

This is so unexpected. I never thought I would do well in a math class. The first three tests went fairly well but my grades have been steadily getting worse as we take each one. I got a 90, 88, then an 83. Naturally I expected that I would gradually get lower on this one.

But NOPE.

I'm just going to go ahead and congratulate the hell out of myself for the rest of the day. Who knows when this will happen again?

College was way more fun the first time around

I've got Mommy Guilt.

I've always hated that term.

I started my math adventure this morning. After a brief bout of nausea and some cold sweats I've decided that I am going to kick this class's ass. I have to just get over the fact that I haven't taken a math class since my sophomore year in college and I'm way out of practice. It probably doesn't help that that last math class was statistics and I was chemically altered for much of it.

I passed it though. I think I got a C. He must have been grading on one hell of a curve.

Because my class starts at 8am Mondays and Wednesdays, I cannot drive the girls to school those days.

It's not that Jim is incapable of covering that duty either. He pulls his weight around here in spades. I'm lucky that his work schedule allows him to do it too.

I just can't over the fact that I feel like I am shirking my responsibility as a Mom.

I quit my job to stay home with my girls almost 4 years ago. It's a decision I never saw myself making. However, though I want to hide in the bathroom with a bottle of bourbon some days, it's been one of the best choices I've ever made.

I know how lucky I am to have that choice in the first place. I know that going back to school is important and that, again, I am lucky to have the choice to do it. I know all this, but because it is something that is just for me, I feel guilty.

I guess in the big picture, this is not all for me. Once I am done with this degree then (hopefully) the next, I will be in position to have a new career to provide a future for my kids that doesn't include student loans and money worries.

My furthering my education is not only a benefit to me, but to my girls. Also, once I have a real live paycheck with health insurance benefits, I can lighten the load on my husband. I know it doesn't seem like a dude who runs a comic book store would work his ass off, but he does. He might have a great time doing it, but he pours a lot of himself into it.

He doesn't worry about money like I do which is good. He plays the straight man to my neurotic kookoopants around here. I know money shouldn't matter, but it sure seems to when you're not real sure if it's going to be there when you need it.

We have a home, food on the table and the utility bills paid so I shouldn't complain. And I'm not. I just get nervous about the state of the economy right now. People don't put comic books high up on their list of "needs", so I know the bottom could fall out at any moment.

And maybe that all ties with the guilt I am feeling. I'm spending money to go back to school when we should be saving as much as we can in case the well dries up. But I need to go back to school to get a job to have money to save.

Blabbity blah blah.

Just tell me to get over it already.

Me + Math = not good

Math is hard.

I'm back in school now. I can only take one class at a time because I am paying for it on my own. I suppose I could find some financial aid, but I'm already paying off a chunk to Sallie Mae and I just don't want to have to add more to the pile.

In order to finish my Associates I have to take a math class. The kicker is that I had to take an assessment test to find out which math class I could sign up for next semester.

They don't just let you take the 100 level class and be done with it. No. They want to make sure they humiliate you as much as possible before letting you in.

So, I took the test this morning, and I felt like someone hit me in the head with a hammer and asked me to walk a tightrope.

I haven't been in a math class in many many years and even then I was pretty lost most of the time.

From question ONE I was scratching my head.

Needless to say I tested into the "dummy math".

There are three (not for credit!) classes below the 106 I need for my degree and I tested into the second to the lowest--Math 087.

You don't even need a calculator for this class. Just all your fingers and toes.

So now I have to take 087, 096 and THEN I can take 106. And by the way, if I want to get back into ISU as a Psychology major I also need a finite math class.

I'm going to be drowning in numbers for the next 4 semesters.