Happy Easter!

Hey Kids!

We're going to the DMV today!

Isn't this what you wanted to do over your Spring Break? I know I did! I can't wait!

In January, my license expired and I had to renew it. No big deal. I found my way over there on a morning I didn't have any kidlets with me so I could wait in line without having to explain away the weirdos and miscreants who always seem to be there when I am.

The guy at the counter tippity typed up my name into the computer, then told me that there was a problem with my social security number.

Being the paranoid kook I am, I immediately assumed someone had stolen my ID and used it for some kind of illegal activity.

I asked the guy what was up, and he asked me if my name had changed.

Uh...yeah. Almost ten years ago.

So, even though I have renewed or replaced my license at least three times since I received it eighteen years ago, I now needed to get a new social security card to prove I am who I say I am.

Two trips, two weeks and an excavation into the basement "files" and I now have a new social security card with my "real" name on it.

Oh, and when I went in to apply for a new card, I couldn't use my driver's license for identification because it was expired.

I felt like at some point, I was going to cease existing.

The best part is that during all this running around, my plate sticker had expired by about a week.

I was driving around with an expired DL, an expired plate sticker and an invalid social security card.

Jim said that if I got pulled over, not only would they haul me off to jail, it would probably be Guantanamo Bay.

(I thought it would be funny to insert a funny little quip here about how I am "such a terrorist", but then decided that putting all the key words in this post together into a Google search would probably garner me a friendly visit from the FBI...oops, there I go with some more key words).

Luckily, I have a valid passport.

So, it's off to the DMV today, kids in tow.

Light a candle, say a prayer, or just send me some good mojo that the smelly, itchy-looking people aren't in line in back of me. I can only hold off the kiddy-stares for so long.

Could someone clone me?

Today is insane.

Audrey has a birthday party from 12:30 to 3. Mina has a birthday party from 2 to 4:30. Oh, and we have a preschool event from 4 to 7:30 tonight.

I'm going to be going all day.

It was bound to happen. My girls are only 3 years apart, so the time finally came when they both started having mini-social lives.

I think I'm going to go stock up on wrapping paper and ribbon now for the onslaught of gift buying I'll need to do for the next 15 years.

The birthday party Mina is going to is Bratz-themed. Now, we don't do Bratz at our house. Mina knows that. In fact, she was nervous to even show me the invitation which I thought was really cute. She's such a rule follower.

I took the opportunity to show her that while we don't like something, we're not going to judge someone else for liking it (within reason, of course). I made sure to remind her not to start spouting our disdain for those slutty little dolls while at the party.

The invitation stated that they were going to do mini-makeovers. I'm a little nervous what that means but, having chatted with the birthday girl's Mom more than a few times, I'm fairly certain my daughter won't come home looking like a prostitute.

(If she does though, I promise to get photographic proof for future blackmail ammunition).

Wish me luck. It's going to be one hell of a day.

I will never...

...get my taxes done by a firm that advertises with some dude dressed up as the Statue of Liberty, waving on the side of the road.

...wear sweatpants with writing on the butt.

...drive a minivan.

...hear Huey Lewis and the News' "I Want a New Drug" and not want to sing along.

Commence Operation Head Explosion: Top Secret

This August I plan on pulling ahead in delegates for the position of Mom of the Year.

My Mom called me the other day to ask me if we'd like to use my Aunt's extra week at her timeshare condo in Orlando.

I hemmed and hawed about it (per usual).

The money, Jim getting someone to cover the store, boarding the dogs...

Then I realized that we'd be stupid not to do it.

We're getting the timeshare for $150 for the whole week. From what my Mom told me, it's a really nice "resort" type place.

But that's not the best part.

All we're going to tell the girls is that we are "going on vacation with Grandma", just as we have done in years past. They'll be so distracted by all the pools and playing, they won't expect what's coming next.

For the first part of the week, it'll be just the girls, my Mom and I. And for the first couple of days, it'll be just hanging out swimming.

Then we're going to spring the "We're going to Sea World!" spiel on 'em. I looked at the website, and I'm certain they're not going to want to leave that place.

A few days into the trip, Jim is going to show up and surprise the girls.

And it gets better...

Two (or maybe three) days at Disney World!

We took Mina a couple years ago, and she hasn't stopped talking about it since. Audrey was too little to really get anything out it at the time, but she has slowly realized what she missed out on.

The best part of the whole trip is that the girls will have no idea what's going on until we are en route to it.

I've always been such a cynical bitch about certain things, but there is nothing like showing your kid the Mecca that is Disney World for the first time

It's going to be hard to keep this under wraps until August, but it will be SO worth it when I see their faces.

I've been watching way too much reality television

Suggested titles for forthcoming Pussycat Doll songs:


Look at My Snatch!
Who Wants a Ham Sandwich?
Attention Whores Need Love Too
Best Cocksucker in da House (dance remix)
Doncha' Wish Your Drag Queen Was Hot Like Me?
(Oops) I Forgot my Panties
One Pretty Decent Singer and Some Filler
Hot Nubs

Mmm Mmm Good

I am cooking homemade chicken and noodles. Right now the whole cut up chicken is simmering in water with a variety of seasonings, garlic, onions and carrots.

It smells so good in my house at the moment, I wish I could transfer the aroma through my computer to yours.