Had my first hospital call last night

And it went alright.

I got to work with one of our medical advocates. What a woman! She is just amazing--so calm, educated, caring and just really really good at what she does.

She was a great teacher to me last night. I felt like I came away with a better understanding of how to be a victim's advocate.

I got the page after I'd already been asleep for a couple of hours, so I scrambled to throw some clothes on (thankfully we don't have to dress up to do a hospital visit), and got my ass over there.

On the way there, a million things went through my head. I didn't know who was there waiting for me or what the scenario was going to be.

All I could think was that something bad happened to someone and it was my job to try and make the situation as easy and comfortable as possible--if it was possible. I couldn't let my emotion cloud what I was there for.

It's just really hard to not think about my girls and how I would deal if they were hurt in such a heinous and disgusting way. Or about friends that have had to deal with sexual assault, rape, molestation...

As soon as I walked in though, it was gone. I felt ready to deal with whatever they threw at me.

And I did.

The only thing I didn't like was leaving. My job, at this point in my volunteering, is to be there for support, give resources and be done.

I'm anxious to "level up" and work more on the prosecution's end. As much as I enjoy helping people in the thick of it, I really want to help put the perpetrators behind bars.

I'm working on it.

Regret meme

Katie tagged me with this one: You’ve just learned that tomorrow you will die at sunrise. Tell me the five things you regret and the five things you don’t.

The Don't Regrets:

1. I don't regret starting a blog. Though I was hesitant at first (who the fuck am I that anyone else wants to read about my take on stuff?), I'm glad I hopped on the bandwagon. It wasn't until I re-found Grant Miller digging around on the internets that I seriously considered it (read: you can blame him for this amalgam of whoosit).

I've since (both virtually and actually) met some new friends through it, and not one restraining order has since been filed. In two days, it will have been one full year since I started Better Living Through Bacon. And it's been delicious.

2. I don't regret having children. In my younger years, I honestly didn't think I would. I didn't think I had it in me to take on the responsibility and set aside my own selfish tendencies.

It's not perfect, and sometimes (all the time) I question my capabilities. Having children has tested my sanity in ways I never thought possible. If they weren't so damn cute, I'd have sold them to the gypsies years ago.

With the difficult however comes the amazing. The adoration that oozes from them all over my husband and I is payment enough for every sleepless night, every splatter of poop, and every puddle of puke (of course, they aren't teenagers yet).

Knowing that I have two mini-humans counting on me to keep my shit together gives me reason enough to try and be a better person.

3. I don't regret quitting my job as a hairstylist almost three years ago. I miss doing hair sometimes, but I don't miss hauling my kids around to get to work for a paycheck that was barely covering expenses incurred from working. How sad that it sometimes cost me money to go to work?

4. I don't regret being slutty in college. I would never buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first no matter how gorgeous or cheap they were. Some people learn by seeing or being shown. I learned by trying every pair of shoes in the shoe store.

Sure, I got my heart broken more times than I'd like to admit and maybe I should have listened to that inner voice a little more often. In the long run however, I can't say that I regret any of it (OK, maybe a couple of them).

5. I don't regret going on crazy pills. This is a recent development here in the land of salty meat, and not something I ever planned on talking about here, but there you have it.

I spent way too long ignoring the unignorable. I had myself convinced that everyone felt the way I did. They just didn't talk about it. I was wrong.

My only regret is that I didn't deal with it sooner.

The Do Regrets:

1. I regret never living alone. I went from living at home to the dorms to having roommates to getting married. I never got to enjoy the kind of freedom one has knowing a space is all one's own. I missed my opportunity to do it when I could, and until my kids move out and my husband decides to get a trophy wife, I'm SOL.

2. I regret not finishing college. I could always go back, but time and money don't grow on trees. It's always in the back of my mind though. Someday.

3. I regret not cutting poisonous people out of my life sooner. Whether it was a bitchy friend who never had anything positive to say or a loser boyfriend who couldn't tell the truth to save his life, I regret not having the balls to tell them where to go. I always seemed to fall into that trap of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings even when the situation made me miserable. I know better now.

4. I regret not standing up for myself when I should have. I spent way too much time in my young adulthood not asking for what I wanted and/or needed. As hard and tough as I thought I was back then, that girl in her twenties would cower in front of the woman I have turned out to be.

5. I regret not owning my actions earlier in life. I also spent the better part of my 20's spending too much time blaming others for my own mistakes. With age has come the realization that I am responsible for my own choices and the fallout--and that that's not a bad thing. This to me is what led me to come to grips with my Atheism (after a whole life of being raised in a religious household).

I hope to look back on this post after a long while and not have anything to add to the bottom part of the list, but without regret what would spur us on to try new things and learn from our inevitable mistakes?

Un-regretfully yours,

The Bacon Lady

The Elves are Watching

Mina wants two things for Christmas:

THIS and THIS.

We spent a few minutes this morning looking them up online.

I told her that she could ask Santa, but I wasn't sure if he would bring both of them (why does she have to have such expensive taste?).

I'm pretty sure I'll get her the talking parrot even though the squawking will drive me to drink. The Fuzz Luv thing may or may not happen. I've seen them priced anywhere from 39.99 to 99.99. Do I really want to spend that much on something else that makes noise?

It could be worse. Last year, both girls begged for THIS.

Lucky for me, they've since set their sites lower.

Part of me knows that I could bring home a bunch of refrigerator boxes and they'd be happy as pie.

After explaining to Mina that Santa doesn't always bring everything we ask for, she pulled me aside to share some inside information:

"Mama, I need to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"Mama, the elves watch us to find out if we are good or bad, and they tell Santa. I've been good, so they looked on your computer to see what I want and they went back to the workshop to make me those toys."

Creepy, right?

I'm picturing a hoard of little elves carrying out some sort of covert focus group. They sneak into the house while we're sleeping, carrying clipboards and 'thinking outside the box'.

It Has Begun

I was at the grocery store the other day when I heard it. It didn't register right away. I don't normally actually listen to what they're playing over the speakers (unless it's the GoGo's in which case I sing along and dance with my shopping cart).

Maybe it was turned up just a touch louder than usual because halfway down the second aisle, it hit me. Fucking Christmas music.

I have a love/hate relationship with holiday music. Part of me gets the appropriate warm and fuzzy feelings when I hear it. The other part of me, the cynical and angry part, usually beats all that sentimentality into an unrecognizable bloody stump.

I stopped and listened for a moment. How could I even start to think about Christmas when it wasn't even cold enough for socks? I know they have to start bombarding consumers with Christmas shit early in order to convince us to buy shit. After all, nothing says "I love you" like a six page long January credit card bill, right?

It's not just the stores with their music and decorations either. I've noticed the toy commercials are on double time. Every four seconds (as opposed to the usual eight seconds) I hear, "Mama! Can I have that?" "Mama, can Santa bring that?".

At first, I pulled out the speech from last year, "Santa can't bring everything. Let's just put it on the list and see what happens."

But I'm sick of saying it, mostly because they don't even hear me when I do. I've given up. Now, when they ask me for yet another bullshit piece of lead-laden garbage almost guaranteed to make noise/be difficult to assemble/fall apart after 5 minutes/etc, I just tell them that they can have it.

Why not?

How could it possibly backfire?

This New House

My washer and dryer came yesterday (and so did I when I saw them!). I haven't been this tingly in my girl bits since I bought the Dyson.

Dryer goodness:


Washer love:



I've pretty much mapped out what colors are going in each room, and hopefully I can get all the painting done this weekend. The bedrooms aren't very big, and I think the prep work will be the biggest time suck of the project.

Master bedroom will have a muted aqua blue/brown color scheme. It's a seafoam-ish green now. The mirrored closet doors will, much to my husband's dismay, be replaced with trifold doors:



Mina's room is tan right now, but will be a pale pastel pink:



Audrey's room is a gorgeous blue, but I wanted to 'girl it up' a bit. It will be a light lavender:



The living room is an ATROCIOUS burgundy red--just cave like and wrong for the size of the space. I'm thinking of going against type and doing three walls in a creamy tan-like color, with an accent wall of chocolate brown opposite the fireplace (the girls are in the pictures to show scale, naturally):




The upstairs bathroom needs a whole gut and remodel. It's not that anythings broken. I just changed my mind about liking the wood plank walls. The tile is way 80's, and not in a good way. We're going to do white subway tile up the walls and white floor tile, maybe relocate the tub closer to the window and replace the vanity with two pedestal sinks. I'm thinking citrus orange for an accent color. Before we can rip apart the bathroom though, we have to put a shower in the downstairs half bath. Either that, or not mind hosing off in the backyard.:





Then, there's the kitchen. I wish I got a close up of the cool back splash tile. It's this swirly pattern of blues and some green--very fun. Not that I didn't know that this was our perfect house already, but to add to the serendipitous nature of this whole thing, one of my very best friends has the EXACT SAME tile in her bathroom! Crazy.
The row of cabinets over the peninsula there is coming out this weekend as are a small cabinet over the fridge. I think I'm going to go with a blue-tinted white for the kitchen walls, and maybe light/weathered looking white laminate on the floor.:




I'm going to be working my ass off this weekend, but at least this sweat equity is for our benefit as opposed to all the shit we put into our current house to sell it.

I got to meet our neighbor on the other side yesterday. A sweet elderly fellow who can't hear very well (probably a good thing considering how loud my family is).

He came over to let me know I left some lights on outside the night before. I thought he was complaining at first, but then he said he didn't want me "wasting any electricity". Unlike most people, I don't mind nosy neighbors. I AM a nosy neighbor. I see it as a kind of neighborhood watch thing. So long as he keeps his mouth shut about the goat sacrificing and midnight orgies, we'll get along fine.

I have yet to take my dogs over there. I should do that today so the boy dog can properly 'mark' every last blade of grass and the girl dog can run into the sliding glass door (her eyesight is not so great).

Work in progress photos coming this weekend!

Yesterday I changed the course of history

At my house, smoking is relegated outside to the back porch.

Mornings, I sit out here with my coffee, cigarettes and laptop and ease into my day. I live such a charmed life, yes?

A few days ago I snuck out for a quick smoke break to find a butterfly frantically flapping its wings against the window, trying to find its way out. It was freaky, and this thing did not want to give up.

Two days later, the thing was still aflappin' at the window pane. "A" for effort, man.

It had been at it for so long, its wings were starting to fray, but it was hellbent on breaching the unbreachable.

I couldn't take it anymore. I set aside my disdain for touching any type of insect and carefully grabbed one of its flappers and threw it out the door.

What's that saying about a butterfly flapping its wings in China...