Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Hooray for Modern Medicine!

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I know it gets a bad rap now and again (and sometimes for very good reason), but in this case I'm coming out in support of it.

I've been on Lexapro for six weeks now and I can honestly say that I feel like I got "me" back.

Back when I was in college (and probably could have used them), the people who were known to be on antidepressants were whispered about. Thinking back now, I should have applauded them for dealing with their issues instead of drinking and drugging them away like I and so many of my friends did.

In the last month and a half, I have learned a lot about myself. That sounds so corny. That's alright. I'm a little bit corny sometimes.

It amazes me more every day that I can deal so much better with everyday life bullshit. Stuff that would have sent me into a rage a while back is now easily put into perspective and dealt with accordingly.

Without going into too much mushy detail, I will say that I am lucky to have the husband that I do. I didn't think so for a long time. I was wrong. And I feel very lucky to have him as a partner raising our kids. It's a tough job without support of some kind, and I happen to have hit the jackpot.

Mina is such a passionate kid (read: LOUD and very sensitive) and starting kindergarten this year has set off her inner diva in a big bad way. It's entertaining yet completely exhausting at the same time.

Audrey is in the midst of her "Terrible Threes". Whoever coined the phrase "Terrible Twos" needs a reality check. Three is soooo much more frustrating than two. Two is paradise compared with the intesity of three.

They fight a lot, and where before the screeching would send me into a rage, I can now calm myself and see it for what it is: a phase.

I could cry when I think about how detached I started to get from my beautiful girls. I felt like the worst mother in the world some days.

The bickering still grates on my nerves(does anyone like hearing that?), but at least now I don't dream of running away from home after they go to bed.

A very wise woman on a parenting message board I frequent had such a great response to a woman who felt bad about relying on antidepressants to make her happy.(Kate, if you're reading I hope you don't mind me sharing this).

To paraphrase...It's not the pills making you happy. The pills are just a catalyst to allow you to experience the happiness that is already there, but your brain won't allow you feel it.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it resonated so strongly with me. I spent years feeling this anger at everyone around me, but unable to explain the reason for it. I got stuck in it and couldn't turn it around until I had a little help from the medicine.

So now I feel like I've gotten a new start. There are often times during the day that I feel this sense of complete peace and calm. The best part is that now instead of worrying that something bad will come along and ruin it, I actually let go and enjoy it.

9 comments:

Earth Muffin said...

Good for you! It takes strength to admit you need help and even more to seek that help out. You should have titled this "How Gidget Got Her Groove Back"!

And, amen to the whole "three's being worse than two's" thing. Every parent I've ever discussed this with is in agreement. The person who coined the "terrible two's" phrase must have given their kid up for adoption, or sold them into slavery, before they reached 3. We're fast approaching it with Little M. and we're afraid...very, very afraid.

Tanya Espanya said...

Oh my darling girl. I lurve my meds. You are a superstar for taking them, not just for yourself, but for your family too! Yay! I'm showering you with candy sprinkles and balloons and kittens.

Bubs said...

Good for you! It's wonderful that you learned this about yourself early on in your kid's lives, and you'll be able to enjoy your life so much more now. Don't worry or beat yourself up about before--kids are remarkably resilient, and yours are young enough that it won't even be a blip to them.

I finally broke down and went to a therapist for a few months. It worked wonders, and I wish I'd done it 10 years ago.

SkylersDad said...

But I thought that bacon was the wonder drug?!

All this time I have been taking two strips in the morning and feeling damn good.

Grant Miller said...

Great post. Parting two toddler girls is impossible sometimes. Or it feels that way.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I wish my Vicodin worked as well as your Lexapro.

jewgirl said...

ps: love the look of the new blog.

I am so proud of you. I think it takes a lot of moxie to get help after realizing there might be something happening to your mind or your body that is not within your control.

I love, love, love that you're feeling so much better and have reclaimed your life in a new way. It's so refreshng and inspiring. Good for you, doll.

As my mother says, "Better living through chemistry".

McQty said...

I totally know where you are coming from. My dr put me on Lexapro when I was first diagnosed with Diabetes. I was becoming a basket case and it was amazing how that just hit the spot. It's a small dose, but works wonders all the same.

Glad it's a success for you as well.

Coaster Punchman said...

Glad to hear it. I've been a follower of the Wellbutrin train for a few years now and wouldn't give it up for anything. I had had no idea how down I was; thankfully I have a great doctor who recognized the signs of depression before I even knew they were there and gently suggested giving it a try.

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