It's Official

Not having my own computer sucks a whole lotta' booty.

I'm going to have a friend of mine take a look at it, but he just got back from a long vacation so I don't want to thrust it at him 5 seconds after he gets home (I save that sentiment for my husband, thankyouverymuch).

I will say that I have been getting a lot more done around the house during the day without the distraction of the internet. Maybe this laptop death was a good thing.

Yesterday I started training to be a rape crisis volunteer. It was an all day training session, and I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach by the time 4:30 rolled around. I'm not complaining. I kind of expected to feel emotionally exhausted by this venture.

I'm glad I finally got signed up to do this. It's something I thought about back when I was in college, but somehow never found the time to get it done. It's kind of sad that I didn't think I could fit it into my schedule then, but somehow have found the time now that I have a real adult life thing going on.

In a way, I am glad that I didn't volunteer back then. I think I was way too self-centered and lost to be of any help to anyone. Now that I have a few (OK, more than a few) years on me, I am more equipped to handle what I am about to do.

We live in a world where some men still feel it alright to use their inherent social stature over women for carnal gain. Where "no" can mean "maybe" or, sadly, "yes".

We live in a world where children, the elderly and the disabled are preyed upon as "easy targets" of sexual assault and rape.

We live in a world where young women are told that their worth is calculated in direct correlation to how men rate her desirability.

What does this say about us?

I know I can't save the world. Unfortunately, along with those "years of experience" I've racked up, I seem to have lost the genuine idealism I had as a young adult. However, I can do my part.

And it feels really good.

Definitely My Child

Yesterday I took the girls out on some errands and they each ended up getting one of those beanie baby things. Mina choose a baby Panda Bear. She's had it on her since then, and this morning insisted that she "dressed up like a Panda Bear for school".

We picked her out a black and white outfit and I put her hair up in bunlike ponytails on either side of her head for "ears".

Later, we had this conversation:

Mina: Mama, I want to be a Panda Bear when I grow up. I want our whole family to be Panda Bears.

Me: Um...OK. I guess we'll have to learn to like bamboo.

Mina: Yeah, we can get a bunch of bamboo and make it into bacon.

Sad sad day

My laptop took a big steaming dump on me. I am now using my husband's when he brings it home from work and I can pry it out of his deathgrip.

I am heartbroken.

Please send any condolences (or cash towards the purchase of a new laptop) to:

betterlivingthroughbacon@gmail.com

Thank you.

Oh oh oh oh oh....oh oh oh oh

Oprah had the Jonas Brothers on her show the other day. Apparently they are quite popular with the teenyboppers.

I was curious, so I dug in and checked it out.

Much like the Hanson brothers of a few years back, they are a group of three sibs making the youngin' set squeal with pre-pubescent delight.

Also like the Hansons is the fact that the oldest one is the ugliest, the middle one is hot, and the youngest one is...the youngest one and only 15, so I'm not going to go there.

They had their parents on to discuss how they keep the boys "so grounded".

The answer was soooo predictable: Their faith.

Commence eyerolling.

The boys are 15, 18, and 20. Granted their main demographic shouldn't even be thinking about what's going on in their tingly bits, don't tell me there aren't a league of older sister types (and maybe a few pervy Moms) who would be more than willing to help the boys "relax after the show".

When I was in high school, there were these two senior girls who were obsessed with New Kids on the Block. The funniest part was that they were goth chicks. They went so far as to follow the boys on a summer tour one year. I heard they staked out a Boston hotel for hours, but didn't get an invite up. They blamed it on tight security. I just think it was because they were ugly.

My point is, there are plenty of older, of legal age women willing to be groupies for boy band members.

It's nice that Mr. and Mrs. Jonas (and what a lovely biblical last name they have. It was probably changed from Jonaskovitch or something) can sit on Oprah's stage and spout about how "faithful" their boys are, but who are they trying to kid?

"Oh no no random co-ed I'll never see again, please don't put my penis in your mouth. I know I am exploding with hormones, but Jesus would be very disappointed with me."

Call me cynical, but I ain't buyin' it.

For Katie

A few months ago I was driving down the road, minding my own business when what should appear before me but a license plate I HAD TO get a picture of for a very special girl.

I tailed him for a good mile while I fished my camera out of my purse. I must have gotten a bit too close for his comfort while getting the shot because he hopped over to the right lane and slowed down enough to give me the finger, then sped off.

It's for love, people. For love.

Why everyone should have kids if just for their comedic value.

Bathroom conversation with my 3 1/2 year old...

Audrey: Mama, I'm going poopy.

Me: That's great honey.

Audrey: My tummy hurted, but now it won't hurt because I'm going poopy.

Me: Yeah. It usually works that way.

Audrey: My butt is magical.

While I was out

A few weeks ago, we had an "incident".

To back up a little, Mina has a classmate that, from the time he joined their class late in the year, took a liking to her.

At first, she came home and told me that he always insisted on sitting next to her at lunch. They aren't allowed to tell anyone that they can't sit with them at her school (a good rule, in my opinion), so I told her to try and sit between her friends if she didn't want to sit next to him.

Next she came home and told me that he put his arm around her and called her "his woman". Yes, this is a kindergartener we're talking about. She said it bugged her, but she would tell him to leave her alone.

A few weeks later, he smacked her butt. Again, she assured me that she would tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to leave her alone.

I asked her if she told a teacher or if a teacher saw this happen, and she said no to both.

I also asked her if she wanted me to talk to her teacher. She said she would handle it.

If you don't know Mina, let me assure you that she is no wall flower. The girl knows how to speak her mind. I trusted her when she told me that I didn't need to step in.

Then, a few weeks ago Mina and I were driving to a dinner out. She had earned a free pizza through the Book-It program, and I thought it would be nice if I took just her to celebrate her accomplishment.

On the way there, we were just chatting about nothing when she said, "Mama, during resting time at school, Eric hit me in the (private) parts."

All at once, I felt my face go hot and my heart sink into my stomach. A million things raced through my mind and I had to concentrate on driving like I've never had to before.

I again asked her if she told the teacher, and again she didn't say anything.

Then she said, "Don't worry Mama. He's my problem."

And that's when I felt like throwing up in my lap.

I turned around and told her that I was now his problem.


I wanted to storm the castle the next morning, but instead wrote an email to her teacher and principal. They got back to me almost immediately. I knew they would. I also knew that if I went there in person to discuss it I would have gotten overly emotional and that wasn't going to solve anything.

I won't go into the whole spiel of how they handled it, but they handled it to my approval. I was pretty impressed with how quickly they took care of the matter. They took my concerns very very seriously and it was dealt with immediately.

Since then I've come to find out that Eric has a less-than-favorable home life. Really, I already knew that from his behavior. It doesn't take a psychologist to figure that one out.


Yesterday when I walked Mina into school, Eric was already lined up. He started talking to me about how tomorrow was his last day. He was going to "bring in cupcakes and suckers and balloons and candy" for everyone.

I asked him if he was moving away and he told me that he was going to live in Chicago with his grandparents.

I didn't ask him why, but he was more than willing to share the reason: "Carol yells at me too much."

He told me Carol was his foster mom.

His foster mom yells at him too much, so now he is being uprooted to a whole other life to live with grandparents who, for whatever reason, didn't have him living with them in the first place.

I was never angry with Eric for what he did. I knew in my heart that he was only acting out. I hate that my kid was the target of his misguided affection. I hate that this kid may fall between the cracks in the Chicago Public School system, may grow up angry and lonely from being shuffled around in his formative years.

I don't know most of this kid's story, and I kind of wish I did. I feel for the little guy.

Never would I put anyone before my own children, but I still feel like he deserves what every kid deserves: a loving home to live in and people who care about him.

As for Mina, she seems just fine. Every once in a while Jim or I will ask her if anyone "bothered" her at school today. Aside from the usual mean older kids on the playground saying stupid shit to the little kids, she's fine.

Eric brought in cookies and juice today. Eric told Mina that that's all Carol would let him bring.

Not that that's nothing, but I could see how excited he was to tell me about his big plans for today. I know. I'm being melodramatic. I've become quite a softy in my old age.

Bottom line is, someone failed him. I hope his grandparents can pick up the slack.