Monday, October 13, 2008

Wine: It's what's for dinner

I love three day weekends. Love them. It's so nice to have an extra day devoid of schedules, making lunches, fighting over what Mina is going to wear that day, etc. etc. etc.

The only problem is that I forgot that I did schedule something for today.

Maybe I was thrown off because we only had one usable car today. Jim needed brakes on his van.

Strike one, Columbus Day weekend.

I hate going to the gym on Mondays so I took Jim and the girls there and I was planning on running some errands then going to pick them up.

About halfway there I got a call from the person I was supposed to giving a haircut (along with her husband, her two kids, her friend and her two kids). Oops.

I had it on the calendar. I just didn't check it before leaving the house today.

I felt like a total asshole. Mostly because this is isn't the first time I've done this to her. I flaked out last haircut appointment too. I felt like an official fucktard.

Strike two.

The day started shaping up better after I made a little money doing the haircuts and got Jim's van to Sears and him to work. Mina got one of those free pizza things from school for doing her reading stuff.

I took the girls to lunch there and we had a lot of fun. They were perfect angels the whole time and even afterwards at the grocery store.

Yes, the day was turning out OK. The weather was gorgeous and the girls played outside together (no fighting!) and even came inside to play together in the basement (no screeching!).

I capitalized on their good behavior to take a little quiet time for myself upstairs.

Naturally, there is a Strike three.

Am I new? Did I forget the Golden Rule of parenting?

When all is quiet, all is still
Do not assume there's danger nil.
When not a nary sound they make
It's best to have a look to take.
If children play without a sound,
Do not walk, but quickly bound.
For minors left to their own accord....
Are most likely trashing the fucking basement.

I first realized something was "off" when Audrey appeared in the living room completely naked and soaking wet. There is a bathroom, but no shower or a tub to be found down there, so I just knew they were making a mess of apocalyptic proportions.

And I was correct in that assumption.

It seems they thought it was a good idea to "wash" about 15 stuffed animals in the sink. Not only that, but they thought the computer chair would be a great place to let them dry-the computer chair that sits on top of carpet.

The bathroom was a real treat too! A good inch of water on the floor and sloppy clumps of wet toilet paper strewn about. Nothing says "good time" like mounds of mushy slop all over the place.

Words escaped me for a moment. Then they didn't. I'm pretty sure the neighbors heard the tirade. Most of them have children that are or very recently were my children's' ages, so I know they have been in my position at one point or another and aren't going to hold the yell fest against me.

The girls both knew they were in deep shit too. I'm almost certain that actual steam came out of my ears. I told them to go to their rooms and get dry clothes on. Not only were they wet, but the clothes they were wearing earlier were also soaking wet in a pile on the carpet down there.

I got NO argument.

When I told them that neither of them get to watch TV for the rest of the week, they just nodded their heads.

We left the house shortly after the 'discovery of evidence' to go pick Jim up from work. When I told him what happened, he laughed.

When I went next door to the record shop to say hello and tell them what happened, they thought it was funny too.

And you know what? It IS funny. In fact, it's pretty god damned hilarious. But I can't let my kids know that. I'm afraid that the next time they might escalate the "hilarity".

Don't get me wrong. I am still pretty pissed off that they thought it was a good idea to wash stuffed animals in the sink and proceed to make a monumental mess, but now that I am looking at the bottom of a glass of wine, I can definitely see the humor in all of this.

And I'm going to watch CNN every day after school just to spite them.

2 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Brandy: It's what's for the kids lunch! Like my grandma used to calm us down with, and we never knew it.

Amber's Baby Blog said...

Um just caught up on your blog. Mina guessing is a natural start for kids starting math. It's what they do. Trust me.

I had to start in Math 087 too. They rig the test. It's crap. They won't let you retake it either. (without a letter from the math head)

But it is totally awesome to be back in school I think next August I am going back.

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