Kind of makes me want to eat some pussy and have an abortion just to spite them

A friend forwarded this to me. You've probably seen it by now but just in case, here you go:


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It goes without saying that the last bit breaks my heart into a million pieces. Hate breeding hate. My skin is crawling. Lovely.

I have to wonder what the upside down Canadian flag has anything to do with the song. Does God only hate Canada? I thought he hated the whole world.

And really, if we are doomed to the everlasting pits of hell anyway, why are they bothering to tell us. Isn't it too late to save our heathen souls?

Reality check

A friend of mine that I used to do hair with called me this weekend to tell me that one of my favorite old client's mother had died.

At least that's what I thought he was telling me on the phone. I was smack in the middle of a fierce game of Candyland with the girls and apparently didn't listen as closely as I should have.

Had I been paying full attention, I would have known it wasn't the old client's mother who died but her young daughter.

I saw the friend who called me today and I casually mentioned that I hadn't seen the obituary in the paper yet, and found that odd. He then clarified what I had stupidly missed in the weekend phone call.

Apparently Ava had developed a brain tumor about a year and a half ago which they operated on, but it was a one shot deal. When it came back, it was just a matter of time before she succumbed to it.

Traci, Ava's mother, was a fragile woman with a kind heart. She and her husband brought their family here after he was transferred through work. She kept a trace of a southern accent that got stronger when she joked around. She had a gentle but firm way of keeping Ava out of trouble while she was getting her hair done, but Ava never strayed far. Usually she would curl up on her mom's lap while I shampooed Traci's hair.

I don't and hopefully will never ever know that pain the family must be going through right now, but my heart breaks just thinking about that kind of loss. Nothing strikes more fear in the heart of a parent than thinking about one's child in pain or worse.

It feels so cheesy to say, but life comes at us so fast. Events like this are a stark reminder to slow down, appreciate the small things, and take stock of what we often take for granted.

Rest in peace, baby girl.

Write a letter you'll never send

Dear M.B.,

When I worked with you I found you to be clueless at best, but mostly an annoying twit. Your holier-than-thou attitude grated on my nerves every day that I had to work near you. As much as I tried to avoid conversation with you, tight quarters demanded our interaction.

When you vehemently explained to me that no Jewish people went to work in the Twin Towers on 9/11 because they were "tipped off" to the attacks, I didn't stab you in the eye with a fork like I wanted to, but instead gently explained to you that your information was wrong. I know you still didn't believe me.

When you told me that you and your husband took the door off your sixteen year old son's bedroom, I didn't ask you how he was supposed to masturbate in private. Instead I bit my tongue because I wouldn't want to extend anything resembling an invitation for you to share your parenting tips with me.

When I saw you after I quit that job and you accused me of "jumping ship" after our boss revealed she had cancer, I let it go--though I shouldn't have seeing how you did the exact same thing a few weeks later. By the way, my leaving didn't kill her. The three packs a day for 40 years did.

I have never and will never tell you all of this because I can be what they call in the business a "grown up". Just know that every time I drive past your church, or "Hall" as you guys call it, I transmit silent 'fuck you' vibes your way.

I kind of feel sorry for you in that your religion prohibits voting. At the same time, one less fundie at the polling station bodes well for me.

When the magical JW spaceship comes down to take you and yours to Planet Watchtower, I'll be here on Earth dancing around in my underwear stuffing birthday cake into my mouth, handing out rainbow flags and free abortions.

Cheers,
Chaylene

Battle of the tumors

Not to be outdone by Democratic Presidential hopeful John Edwards, Tony Snow has announced that his cancer has returned.

Next up, Bob Hargis will hold a press conference to discuss his cat's feline leukemia.


Paul Simon is rolling in his grave.