Friday, August 3, 2007

Regarding Dave Brown

After some of the comments on the last entry, I feel I should elaborate on the story a bit.

The garage sale was coming to a close. The people I was having the sale with and I were closing everything down and packing up the unsold stuff to donate. We were tired and hot and a little cranky.

A guy on a motorcycle pulled up as we were just about done. He sat there, helmet on, in front of my house for a few moments.

At first, I thought he was trying to figure out if we were done with the sale or not. But he just sat there, staring. I started to get creeped out, and wondered if I was going to have to pull out the bitch stick when he took off his helmet and started up the driveway.

"Hi there. I used to live here," he said as he extended a hand.

Giddy, I asked him what his name was. When he said "Dave", I immediately let out a laugh, "I found your little note, Mr. Dave Brown."

He looked shocked for a split second, but then said he didn't remember what it said.

I told him, and he laughed but it was a weird, nervous laugh (for the record, he is still married to the same woman he was married to when he put up those cabinets).

I think it was then that he realized that we had taken down some of his handy work.

"So, how ya' likin' the intercom system?"

"Uh...we took it out. It didn't work."

"Oh. What about the security system?"


At this point, I thought he might cry. I offered that the gazebo thing he built in the backyard was still intact and was one of the main reasons we fell in love with the house. This seemed to satisfy him, and he asked to see it.

With some trepidation, I took him into the backyard. My friends were still there at this point and I can scream pretty loud, so I wasn't too worried.

I took him through the garage because I really didn't want him blubbering all over the guts of his former kitchen.

He stood on the back deck for a moment, not speaking. I didn't like it, so I started blathering on about how much we love hanging out back here, how nice it is, blah blah blah.

He just got all wistful about the tree swing. I started to feel bad for the guy, but then he started in on the intercom system again.

I changed the subject by telling him he needed to go into our shop and talk to my husband about the sprinkler system we apparently have. I told him the people that we bought the house from didn't know how to use it either. This frustrated Dave.

He said something else about something, and I again redirected the conversation to his talking to my husband at his work.

"Oh, when you walk in," I told Dave as I was pushing him back into the garage, "Walk in and say 'Yep, I remember when gas was a a buck O nine a gallon! Those were the days!' It would be HILARIOUS!"

Sadly, I think I was alone on that one.


Michael K said...

Unbelievably uncomfortable exchange. I would never have been able to mention his note. It's like telling your mom you found her porn.

Chaylene said...

michael k: Good thing my Mom keeps her porn hidden really well. Trust me. I looked EVERYWHERE.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Oddly, this story kind of bumms me out a little. We've been thinking about moving, and I can just picture the next people tearing out all of the detail I put into the place -- the crown moulding, the built-ins, the sauna... I didn't put in an intercom system, though. (Yet.) I also put many notes behind walls. None of them talked about the price of gas, though. Most just say how drunk I was at the time or something.

hanmee said...

What is this bitch stick you speak of and how can I get my hands on one?

I don't know why people are so distraught when the new owners take down tacky decor and/or malfunctioning equipment. Ever seen that show on TLC called moving up where they follow people who move up to different homes and how they change it? Then they bring back the previous owners who essentially bash it.

I can only imagine what the previous owners of our home would say if they saw that we pulled up their "homeowner special" horrible brick patio (horrible b/c it was poorly done, not b/c it's a brick patio) and replaced it with grass, a small flagstone patio and now a deck.

Just wait until I get a chance to rip down that HORRENDOUS wallpaper in all the bathrooms...that covers the outside AND inside of all the bathroom cabinets. Freakin' OCD going on in there.

PS: I suggest installing some video camera surveillance equipment in case D.B. decides to drop by again...

Phil said...

Every house I've ever been in that has an intercom system, the intercom system doesn't work.

Could you imagine being an Ex of Dave Brown and running him after you've married and had kids? Let it go, man.

Anonymous said...

I can't beieve the weirdo would even come by. Honestly it's pretty tacky and takes a lot of balls. Funny though.

jewgirl said...

please, that would've made me so uncomfortable. at least you know the original owner of your house was desperately and madly in love with it. that he probably had a lot of good memories there. that's a plus, no?

he's still uncomfortable.

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