No taking the Christ out of Christmas here. No siree.
I can't wait to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour by opening presents, chowing down and getting deee-runk. Wahoo!
An invitation was extended to The Sweet Baby Jesus to partake with us, but He's a bit busy around this time. His Mother's always harping that he never visits, so He takes time out (on His damn birthday of all days) to go over to her house.
He gets to endure hours of "You look so skinny! Aren't you eating?" and "You never call!" and "When are you going to go back and get your degree? You coulda' been a doctor, but NOOOOOO. You had to give it all away to help all those people who don't even like you."
He promised he'd show up for a spell on New Year's Eve. I'm sure He'll need a stiff one after dealing with The Blessed Virgin from Hell.
I just hope he doesn't pull another party foul like last year. Seems Jesus turned a little bit too much water into wine, and started yelling at everyone. He's a mean drunk, if you didn't know.
"Crucify me, motherfuckers! I can totally come back from the dead! DUUUUUDE, I invented Christmas! DO IT, or I will smite you!"
It was really embarrassing. More embarrassing that realizing that he wasn't wearing anything under the robe.
Merry Happy!
Love in Christ and Bacon,
Chaylene
3 comments:
Nothing on under the robe, huh? So tell us, was Jesus packing or what? I'm guessing he would be hung like a mule, being the son of god and all.
He came to my work party a few years ago and left fishes and loaves all over the place.
I just fell even more in love with you, child. irreverent as hell, brilliant and funny.
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