Sunday, January 14, 2007

Crown molding is overrated

Our house was built in 1912. It's a traditional style white two-story complete with walk up attic that we never could have afforded in any other neighborhood.

When I tell people that I live in an old house their immediate response is always, "Oh, I LOVE old houses. They have so much character!".

I'm fully convinced "character" is code for "dust".

I've never been able to keep up on the dirt. It accumulates along the tops of the old window ledges, on top of the impossibly narrow crown molding edges, and in between the teeny grooves of the wood floors. Combine that with the fact that we have not one, but two dogs who belong to a breed that shed all year long and I've got a real mess on my hands. I can sweep and mop after the kids go to bed and still wake up to dust bunnies the size of...well, bunnies the next morning.

I don't remember when it became so important to me to have an ultra-clean house. In college I practically wallowed in my own filth. I washed my clothes occasionally and showered daily, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times I washed my sheets that last year of school. A two foot high pile of dirty dishes in the sink amused rather than disgusted me. I didn't even own a vacuum until I was 24. I even had sex with a few hippies (not at the same time). And not just any hippies--the worst kind: The Suburban Transplant Hippie. The kind that treat brushing their hair and showering as some kind of inconvenience. I can't smell patchouli anymore without wanting to immediately wash my vagina out with bleach.

And speaking of bleach...

A friend of mine, who happens to be vigilant about being environmentally-friendly, told me that using bleach is tantamount to raping puppies. I took her advice to cease and desist, and instead started buying Method products. Up until I really took a look at them, I thought the pretty colors and pleasant scents were some kind of marketing ploy. Apparently they are good for the environment--or at least not as bad for our Mother Earth as other cleaning products.

I enjoy some of thier products. The dish soap is nice as is the laundry detergent and fabric softeners. I also like their shower,wood floor and window cleaner. The dishwasher tabs and the all-purpose cleaner suck ass.

I love the thought of using pink grapefruit smelling spray on my counter tops (and that whole saving the environment thing), but it just doesn't cut the mustard (or the bacon grease) when I need it most. Give me 409 Bleach-y goodness or give me death. Well not really death, just a not so clean countertop.

Maybe I just need to lower my standards.

2 comments:

Tankboy said...

You want to see dust? Visit our new "old" farmhouse. When I work on the place, and tear down walls, and chip away old plaster, I have to strip naked afterwards, put all of my clothes in a garbage bag, and then change into something that isn't stiff with dust.

Plus, after blowing black stuff out of my nose the first day I worked on the house, I've taken to wearing an industrial ventilator.

So don't talk to ME about dust...

Chaylene said...

Sounds awful.

You win the dust contest.

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