Friday, January 26, 2007

My new favorite website

Parents, listen closely--the Homosexuals are trying to get to your children through the music they listen to. Don't believe me? Lookie lookie

I am constantly in awe of Fundamentalist Christians. When do they have time to sleep with all this soul-saving?

I grew up in a fundie household. My parents are still very much into the Jesus thang. I am not. We don't discuss it.

I remember my father's dire warnings about Dungeons and Dragons when I was younger. He told me that kids got so into the game that if their character lost an arm, they would cut off their own arm! He said it was an evil game--the "devil's work".

Had he told me that only dorks played it, it would have made more of an impact. All this crazy talk he was throwing at me only made me want to play it more.

Other failed attempts by my Dad at molding me into a good Christian soldier:

1. "BOO for booze and NOPE to dope"

I tried my first cigarette in 6th grade, had my first drink in 7th grade and smoked pot for the first time the summer after 7th grade.

2. "Sex is a sacred act between a man and a woman, united in marriage in God's eyes"

I held off being a complete slut until college, but I more than made up for lost time.

3. "Vote Republican"

I haven't been to church since I moved away from home. My parents don't even ask anymore.

When I got married, we went the Unitarian route. We thought about doing a Justice of the Peace, but I wanted something a little more traditional. We thought about having a ceremony outside somewhere, but I am way too anal. And seeing as I can't control the weather (yet), that idea was nixed.
Even with my complete disdain for organized religion, I really wanted to walk down an aisle on my father's arm. The problem was no church would have us if we wouldn't declare our undying devotion to the big Dude upstairs. I couldn't fake it just to get use of a gorgeous sanctuary. I didn't think lying was a good way to start off a marriage.
Luckily, the Unitarians came to the rescue.

They had a few ceremonies to choose from. We were also free to write up our own. We ended up taking bits and pieces from a Lesbian commitment ceremony they had performed there recently. It was really beautiful, talking of love, equality and two people joining together, but still staying two separate people. It was perfect.

When my Dad found out about it, he was disappointed. He didn't get it, saying "Well, may the force be with you."

Pretty funny for a stodgy old coot.


Anonymous said...

*psssst* that is a joke list.

Anonymous said...

*pssst* not a stalker, promise. just to lazy to register.

- nichole

Chaylene said...

Seriously? It's fake?

Now it's just not as funny.

wonderturtle said...

Fake or real, I'm fascinated by how Cyndi Lauper made the "safe" list, and the baffling labelling of Elton John as "(really gay)".

Jennifer said...

Awww shucks... I was hoping to start my kid early on understanding that god has hate.

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