Sunday, November 25, 2007

At least he's not a Scientologist


My father works in the warehouse of a Christian book publishing company (I'll give you a hint: They are the people who publish the Left Behind series). He's been with them for almost 20 years, and isn't planning on retiring until he is 70. Yeah. Seventy.

He loves his job believe it or not. I don't get it. He packs book orders in warehouse. I mean, it's an honest living and all, but not one that I would want to do until I was 70 years old. He's 66 now, so it's not that far off. Thankfully.

Ever since he got that job he's found any and every opportunity to give me one of the books he so diligently packs every day, and they suck ass like nobody's business.

I've been able to politely decline his offers of Christian Parenting Tips 101 and Cooking with Jesus and the like for quite a few years now, but that doesn't stop him from offering.

When I was pregnant with my first kid, my father and his friends from church single-handedly filled out the book table at my garage sale.

Today, after dropping the girls off after a weekend visit, my father topped even himself in pure ridiculousness.

I saw him handing my husband a book and involuntarily rolled my eyes. "What now?" I thought to myself.

"Here you go, Jim. It's a new book we put out--comic book style!"

I could feel the muscles in my neck tightening up. If it had been one of those super kick ass tracts from back in the day, I might have gotten excited, but it wasn't. Not even close.

If I was telling you this story in person, this would be the part where I'm laughing so hard I can't even finish sharing it. The part where you would also begin to giggle because this kind of laughter is contagious.

The title?

MANGA MESSIAH

If I ever embarrass my children this badly, they have full permission to commit me.

As soon as they stop laughing.

6 comments:

Meredith said...

Manga Messiah. Oh my gosh. that's terrible. I'm ashamed...

Michael K said...

My Mom sent me a bible for Christmas one year. It was a pretty nice one. I felt kinda bad returning it.

Grant Miller said...

I've always wanted to read one of the Left Behind books. But I hate books that are seriesssz.

Winter said...

Trade your Dad for mine any day...

jimmycity said...

I heard someone say the other day "Christ wasn't a Christian", and it made me feel better.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I think Christianity has jumped the shark. (Actually, I thought that long ago, but this is a whole new level.)

For Your Scrapbook

My photo
I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.