After this, I promise to stop talking about it

Guess who's never ever going back to Awanas?

She had fun. I knew she would. That's how "they" get you. She even came home with candy. Fun Dip to be exact (Lik-em-Aid for all you oldsters like me).

After she brushed her teeth and got into her pajamas, I laid down next to her to talk about how it went.

Right away she tells me that "if you're good, you get to spend forever with your family up in heaven. If you're bad you go down to the hot lava".

Those fuckers got that into my kid's head in two short hours.

Then she said "And you put it in your mouth and then it's in you."

(I about had a heart attack. "WHAT is in you, Mina?!")

"Like Jesus is in you and sticks to your heart"

(Again with the palpatations.)

"Like the candy they gave us."

(Coronary over, but blood pressure still high)

I didn't go into this blind. Having grown up with Fundie parents, I knew what we were getting ourselves into letting her go to this. I just didn't think they'd pull out the "big guns" the very first night!

So, I started gently with the fact that Mommy and Daddy don't necessarily agree with what those people said. Sometimes people believe different things and that's alright.

I asked her if she thought there really was a pit of hot lava waiting for the "bad people", and she thought about it for a second before deciding that both we and "they" were right.

In her six year old mind, this is a distinct possibility. I tried to tell her that what she chose to believe is up to her, but that Mommy and Daddy don't choose to believe what "they" said.

I told her that people can be good and nice and do good things for others and not go to church--that sometimes people are nice just for the sake of being nice and not to avoid this bubbling pit of iniquity.

I told her that it makes some people feel better in their hearts to believe in heaven and hell, and that's alright but Mommy and Daddy don't.

She looked like she was really thinking about it, but she was pretty tired, so who knows.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that Bethany's Mom will now invite Jim and I to go to church. That's how this works. Get the kid all fired up, then go after the parents. I may be willing to let Mina explore other avenues, but honey I've done my time and that book has been closed and put away on my end.

I actually do hope that we get invited so I can be honest with Bethany's Mom. She seems to genuinely like me. We get along and have had a few laughs together over this and that. I hope that when the proverbial ball drops, I will have somehow shattered her (assumed) preconception of Atheists.

Or maybe she will shun my ass.

She'd better invest in some kneepads for all the praying she will be doing for my everlasting soul.

Awanas Update

First, thanks to those that responded in the other post. All valid points and much appreciated.

Second, we decided to let her go. Once.

I had to call Bethany's Mom to see what she could bring to the class Valentine's Day party this week, and she brought up how much Bethany is "dying to bring Mina to Awanas".

It's tonight and meets from 6:15 until 8:15. Mina is usually dead asleep by 8:15 every night, so I made sure to make it very clear that this wasn't going to be a regular thing, but "we'd love to have Bethany over for a playdate anytime".

Turns out tonight is "Bring a Friend" night down at Awanas HQ. Hmmm....

I really didn't want to let her go because I was trying to avoid the "Mommy and Daddy are godless heathens" discussion for a later date. Now, I am letting her go so we can have that discussion.

I've even got a nice analogy all planned out.

Dearest Mina,

You know how when we go to ice cream store and you always get vanilla, but Audrey always gets chocolate? It's a choice you make for yourselves.

Audrey wouldn't try to cram a big bowlful of chocolate ice cream down your gullet day after day until you decide you suddenly love it.

In turn, you aren't going to ring her doorbell in the middle of the day when she's trying to take a nap and try to force her to eat vanilla.

There are so many flavors of ice cream out there and everyone has their own personal favorite. Who are we to judge who's flavor tastes better for each individual?

I used to love ice cream until I got older and developed a touch of lactose intolerance. Now when I eat it, it makes me feel gassy and uncomfortable.

Kind of like Jesus.

Love,
Mama


I'll let you all know how it goes.

Sleeping with one eye open

Conversation with my 3 1/2 year old during bedtime.

Audrey: Mama, could you scratch my back?

Me: Sure honey.

Audrey: Where's my alligator toy?

Me: Right here.

Audrey: It's alligator's bedtime too.

Me: Is he going to sleep in bed with you?

Audrey: Uh huh. Put him by my feet. And in the morning, him will eat some food.

Me: Oh yeah? What do alligators eat?

Audrey: People.

I don't wanna...

Mina came home from school on Friday begging me to join Awanas.

Just fucking shoot me now.

If you've read a post of mine here and there, you would know by now I am not what one would call "religious". Pretty much the polar opposite if we're going to split hairs here.

At the beginning of the school year, the school sent home a flier about an informational meeting for Girl Scouts. When I asked Mina if she was interested, she looked at me as if I had offered a steaming pile of shit for dinner.

"No way, Mama. They make you potty in the woods!"

Um...huh?

I guess she thinks the Girl Scouts are some kind of hippie commune living off the land or perhaps some sort of militia. Who knows where she gets this stuff.

I want to tell her that Awanas is basically just Girl Scouts sprinkled liberally with jesusdust, but that would probably only make her want to go more.

Mina told me that Bethany does Awanas, and Bethany is her "very best friend" so NATURALLY Mina wants to do it too. I know you can't always pick who your kid wants to hang with, but why oh why did my kid have to pick to most jesus-y kid in her class to latch onto?

Jim and I are so torn on this. On the one hand, we don't want to keep her from making her own decisions in this arena. On the other, I don't want Mina coming home with a hundred plastic fetuses and a mailng list.

Thoughts?

Hooray for Modern Medicine!

I know it gets a bad rap now and again (and sometimes for very good reason), but in this case I'm coming out in support of it.

I've been on Lexapro for six weeks now and I can honestly say that I feel like I got "me" back.

Back when I was in college (and probably could have used them), the people who were known to be on antidepressants were whispered about. Thinking back now, I should have applauded them for dealing with their issues instead of drinking and drugging them away like I and so many of my friends did.

In the last month and a half, I have learned a lot about myself. That sounds so corny. That's alright. I'm a little bit corny sometimes.

It amazes me more every day that I can deal so much better with everyday life bullshit. Stuff that would have sent me into a rage a while back is now easily put into perspective and dealt with accordingly.

Without going into too much mushy detail, I will say that I am lucky to have the husband that I do. I didn't think so for a long time. I was wrong. And I feel very lucky to have him as a partner raising our kids. It's a tough job without support of some kind, and I happen to have hit the jackpot.

Mina is such a passionate kid (read: LOUD and very sensitive) and starting kindergarten this year has set off her inner diva in a big bad way. It's entertaining yet completely exhausting at the same time.

Audrey is in the midst of her "Terrible Threes". Whoever coined the phrase "Terrible Twos" needs a reality check. Three is soooo much more frustrating than two. Two is paradise compared with the intesity of three.

They fight a lot, and where before the screeching would send me into a rage, I can now calm myself and see it for what it is: a phase.

I could cry when I think about how detached I started to get from my beautiful girls. I felt like the worst mother in the world some days.

The bickering still grates on my nerves(does anyone like hearing that?), but at least now I don't dream of running away from home after they go to bed.

A very wise woman on a parenting message board I frequent had such a great response to a woman who felt bad about relying on antidepressants to make her happy.(Kate, if you're reading I hope you don't mind me sharing this).

To paraphrase...It's not the pills making you happy. The pills are just a catalyst to allow you to experience the happiness that is already there, but your brain won't allow you feel it.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but it resonated so strongly with me. I spent years feeling this anger at everyone around me, but unable to explain the reason for it. I got stuck in it and couldn't turn it around until I had a little help from the medicine.

So now I feel like I've gotten a new start. There are often times during the day that I feel this sense of complete peace and calm. The best part is that now instead of worrying that something bad will come along and ruin it, I actually let go and enjoy it.

YAY for snow days!

Audrey woke up this morning covered in puke.

The good news is she didn't have school today anyway. We got about 9 inches last night (bayern chicka bayern bayerrrrn)...of snow.

Poor little Bean had to miss the sledding adventure Jim and Mina went on. Hopefully she'll feel better by Sunday because I really want us all to get to go to the sledding hill together.

Jim took the camera and got a video that MUST be shared.

Basically he is laying on his stomach on the sled with the camera in front of his face and Mina is sitting on his back. Be sure to listen carefully for the sound of the guy they knocked over near the end (he was alright and laughed about it).