After this, I promise to stop talking about it

Guess who's never ever going back to Awanas?

She had fun. I knew she would. That's how "they" get you. She even came home with candy. Fun Dip to be exact (Lik-em-Aid for all you oldsters like me).

After she brushed her teeth and got into her pajamas, I laid down next to her to talk about how it went.

Right away she tells me that "if you're good, you get to spend forever with your family up in heaven. If you're bad you go down to the hot lava".

Those fuckers got that into my kid's head in two short hours.

Then she said "And you put it in your mouth and then it's in you."

(I about had a heart attack. "WHAT is in you, Mina?!")

"Like Jesus is in you and sticks to your heart"

(Again with the palpatations.)

"Like the candy they gave us."

(Coronary over, but blood pressure still high)

I didn't go into this blind. Having grown up with Fundie parents, I knew what we were getting ourselves into letting her go to this. I just didn't think they'd pull out the "big guns" the very first night!

So, I started gently with the fact that Mommy and Daddy don't necessarily agree with what those people said. Sometimes people believe different things and that's alright.

I asked her if she thought there really was a pit of hot lava waiting for the "bad people", and she thought about it for a second before deciding that both we and "they" were right.

In her six year old mind, this is a distinct possibility. I tried to tell her that what she chose to believe is up to her, but that Mommy and Daddy don't choose to believe what "they" said.

I told her that people can be good and nice and do good things for others and not go to church--that sometimes people are nice just for the sake of being nice and not to avoid this bubbling pit of iniquity.

I told her that it makes some people feel better in their hearts to believe in heaven and hell, and that's alright but Mommy and Daddy don't.

She looked like she was really thinking about it, but she was pretty tired, so who knows.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that Bethany's Mom will now invite Jim and I to go to church. That's how this works. Get the kid all fired up, then go after the parents. I may be willing to let Mina explore other avenues, but honey I've done my time and that book has been closed and put away on my end.

I actually do hope that we get invited so I can be honest with Bethany's Mom. She seems to genuinely like me. We get along and have had a few laughs together over this and that. I hope that when the proverbial ball drops, I will have somehow shattered her (assumed) preconception of Atheists.

Or maybe she will shun my ass.

She'd better invest in some kneepads for all the praying she will be doing for my everlasting soul.

Awanas Update

First, thanks to those that responded in the other post. All valid points and much appreciated.

Second, we decided to let her go. Once.

I had to call Bethany's Mom to see what she could bring to the class Valentine's Day party this week, and she brought up how much Bethany is "dying to bring Mina to Awanas".

It's tonight and meets from 6:15 until 8:15. Mina is usually dead asleep by 8:15 every night, so I made sure to make it very clear that this wasn't going to be a regular thing, but "we'd love to have Bethany over for a playdate anytime".

Turns out tonight is "Bring a Friend" night down at Awanas HQ. Hmmm....

I really didn't want to let her go because I was trying to avoid the "Mommy and Daddy are godless heathens" discussion for a later date. Now, I am letting her go so we can have that discussion.

I've even got a nice analogy all planned out.

Dearest Mina,

You know how when we go to ice cream store and you always get vanilla, but Audrey always gets chocolate? It's a choice you make for yourselves.

Audrey wouldn't try to cram a big bowlful of chocolate ice cream down your gullet day after day until you decide you suddenly love it.

In turn, you aren't going to ring her doorbell in the middle of the day when she's trying to take a nap and try to force her to eat vanilla.

There are so many flavors of ice cream out there and everyone has their own personal favorite. Who are we to judge who's flavor tastes better for each individual?

I used to love ice cream until I got older and developed a touch of lactose intolerance. Now when I eat it, it makes me feel gassy and uncomfortable.

Kind of like Jesus.

Love,
Mama


I'll let you all know how it goes.

I don't wanna...

Mina came home from school on Friday begging me to join Awanas.

Just fucking shoot me now.

If you've read a post of mine here and there, you would know by now I am not what one would call "religious". Pretty much the polar opposite if we're going to split hairs here.

At the beginning of the school year, the school sent home a flier about an informational meeting for Girl Scouts. When I asked Mina if she was interested, she looked at me as if I had offered a steaming pile of shit for dinner.

"No way, Mama. They make you potty in the woods!"

Um...huh?

I guess she thinks the Girl Scouts are some kind of hippie commune living off the land or perhaps some sort of militia. Who knows where she gets this stuff.

I want to tell her that Awanas is basically just Girl Scouts sprinkled liberally with jesusdust, but that would probably only make her want to go more.

Mina told me that Bethany does Awanas, and Bethany is her "very best friend" so NATURALLY Mina wants to do it too. I know you can't always pick who your kid wants to hang with, but why oh why did my kid have to pick to most jesus-y kid in her class to latch onto?

Jim and I are so torn on this. On the one hand, we don't want to keep her from making her own decisions in this arena. On the other, I don't want Mina coming home with a hundred plastic fetuses and a mailng list.

Thoughts?

I need a hug

The world's abuzz with the news of another Spears baby. Big whoop. I've got a bigger scoop.

Mina's getting married.

She informed me of the impending nuptials as we walked to the car after school today.

I should have known something was up when I saw her hanging out next to him after school the other day. She wouldn't leave until he gave her a piece of gum, and she seemed a little too giddy over it.

It all starts with gum, doesn't it?

His name is Matthew R., and they are planning way ahead. It seems they want to marry each other when "they are bigger". It was discussed and agreed upon at recess.

Someone get me a fucking valium because I am so not ready for this.

Mina told me that her friend Caeli (gawd, I hate the "unique" spellings some parents come up with) is going to marry Hunter as well--and they've kissed.

KISSED! In Kindergarten! What.the.fuck?

Mina denies any lip smacking, and she'd better not be lying.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that just a week ago Mina was telling me that she doesn't ever want to get married and plans on adopting a bunch of babies that I apparently will help her raise.

How did this happen? They are SIX years old.

Tomorrow is the big "Holiday" party in their classroom. I plan on giving this Matthew R. the once over.

I suppose I need to check out my future son-in-law. I hope he has nice teeth.

Restoring my faith in humankind

This morning I dropped Mina off in front of her school like usual. We can't use the circle drive that goes right up to the school as it is only for buses and daycare vans. We parents all have to haphazardly pull up along a drop off lane, leaving the kids to walk across the lawn or sidewalk to get into the front door.

Usually it's not a problem. Sometimes one of Mina's classmates is getting dropped off at the same time and she walks in with them, but she's fine doing it by herself.

Today though, with the ice and sleet we've been getting, the walk was a bit treacherous. They hadn't salted the sidewalks yet (which pissed me off), so I told Mina to walk through the frozen grass so she wouldn't slip.

She was having quite a time of it, not trusting her balance on the crunchy, icy grass. I saw the panic on her face as she crept forward at a snail's pace, arms outstretched and wobbly. I was just about to find a parking spot on a side street to go help her when an older girl ahead of her (who I found out later, Mina did not know before), looked to be a 5th grader, stopped and turned around.

I saw her bend down and say something to Mina before taking her hand and helping her the rest of the way.



I know there are a lot of snotty preteens floating around. I've heard the horror stories of girls starting puberty at 10, complete with PMS and attitude. I've seen them out in public, sassing their mothers, rolling their eyes.

But this was the exact opposite of that.

I only wish I could find out that girl's name so I could call her parents to tell them what a great job they're doing, and how that one small act of kindness completely made my day.

My kid is weird

Why, with a whole couch, two chairs and two ottomans to choose from, does my six year old insist on sitting/laying on the coffee table?

Tissues, please.

Mina started kindergarten today.

I walked her to school this morning and we talked about what the day might bring. She was so happy and excited. I was fighting back tears.

She was fine as we waited in her designated class lineup spot. I could tell she was listening in on the 5th grade girls' conversation next to us. She's always been enamoured of older girls. She just can't wait to grow up.

All was well until the first bell rang and her teacher came out to take them inside. She looked up at me and told me that she was scared.

"I won't know what to do. What if I make a mistake, Mama?"

As much as I wanted to scoop her up and run, I fought the urge with everything in me and told her that it was the first day and everyone was bound to be confused and a little scared. I told that it she was going to be just fine.

I sounded pretty convincing too.

Oh, it's not that I don't think everything will be fine. I just know that kindergarten is such a huge 180 from what she is used to. The two years of preschool under her belt may have prepared her for some things, but they were only a few hours a day. This is a full 8:15 to 3 o'clock deal.

She seemed satisfied with my answer, but I could still see the hesitation in her eyes. All I could do was give her a hug and a kiss and step away as a woman I met just yesterday led my first born off into the big world of public education.

I have no doubt Mina will come home full of chatter yet utterly exhausted. I know she'll love school.

Me? I could probably use a Valium right about now.