Friday, August 1, 2008

An Open Letter to my vacuum

Dearest Purple Dyson DC14,

I love you. You know that. We've made it through a lot, me and you.

Through it all, you've been there to pick up the pieces and the bits and dog hair.

Remember that one time I went to empty your canister and I ended up spilling a bunch of the debris you just vacuumed up? Did you say, "I told you so"? Did you rub it in my face that you tried to warn me I was pushing your fill capacity too far?


You just laughed along with me and vacuumed it back up all over again. Good times...

Today though, I believe I may have pushed you past your limit.

I don't need to tell you how much mess two kids and two dogs make. You've been right there in the trenches with me.

Maybe I didn't notice the way you're always gently nudging me toward the couch cushions. Maybe not. Perhaps you wanted, like a good teacher, to let me figure it out all on my own.

And what a lesson it's been.

The horror of what I forced you to endure under those couch cushions (and then the chair cushions!) wasn't for the faint of heart.

I won't blame you if you don't speak to me for a little while. I know when to give a vacuum some space.

I'm leaving for a week soon, so it'll just be you my husband. Have you met him? No, I didn't think so. Perhaps some day you and he can make some sort of passing acquaintance.

He isn't on very good terms with the washer and dryer yet either, but I have hope he'll venture down to meet them someday as well.

But I digress.

Know that I feel terrible about our experience today and it's unlikely to happen again anytime soon. It truly hurt me more than it hurt you.

I expect some sort of class action suit from anyone who's ever sat on my living room furniture to start proceedings any day now. I'm guessing PTSD or mesothelioma.

You may never lose suction, but it is I who is doing all the sucking today.

Yours forever and always,

The Bacon Lady


moonfire photography said...

I, too, have a deep undying love for my Dyson... and to think that the two evil Kirby salespeople thought I was going to even CONSIDER trading it in... HA!

Linka72 said...

I have to admit that I have vacuum envy towards you and that sexy purple thing (hmm, that didn't come out right) and I should also apologize for hoping that it loses suction or breaks because if I can't have him, neither can you...that also didn't come out right..leaving now.

Mr. Smith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Smith said...

Coincidentally, I wrote this in my blog last month:

When I took over the business, I got out my two best vacuums, lined them up and addressed them Patton style (i.e. I put on breeches and gestured with a riding crop)

"You two vacuums are my best two vacuums. You have served me well and you continue to run quietly and efficiently. " Here I paced back and forth swishing the crop through the air for emphasis.

I round on them, pointing,"Some day you will break down. It is inevitable." I let that soak in for a while and then continued:

"But what you must not do, must never do, is break down at the same time as your comrade. That would be bad. That would defeat our mission"

Of course that is exactly what they did. I think the bearings went out on one and I know the plastic fan snapped on the other.

Must be something in the water that makes folks talk to their vacuums around here, no?

Grant Miller said...

I suppose I should get one of those. That dude really takes his vacuums seriously.

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