Regret meme

Katie tagged me with this one: You’ve just learned that tomorrow you will die at sunrise. Tell me the five things you regret and the five things you don’t.

The Don't Regrets:

1. I don't regret starting a blog. Though I was hesitant at first (who the fuck am I that anyone else wants to read about my take on stuff?), I'm glad I hopped on the bandwagon. It wasn't until I re-found Grant Miller digging around on the internets that I seriously considered it (read: you can blame him for this amalgam of whoosit).

I've since (both virtually and actually) met some new friends through it, and not one restraining order has since been filed. In two days, it will have been one full year since I started Better Living Through Bacon. And it's been delicious.

2. I don't regret having children. In my younger years, I honestly didn't think I would. I didn't think I had it in me to take on the responsibility and set aside my own selfish tendencies.

It's not perfect, and sometimes (all the time) I question my capabilities. Having children has tested my sanity in ways I never thought possible. If they weren't so damn cute, I'd have sold them to the gypsies years ago.

With the difficult however comes the amazing. The adoration that oozes from them all over my husband and I is payment enough for every sleepless night, every splatter of poop, and every puddle of puke (of course, they aren't teenagers yet).

Knowing that I have two mini-humans counting on me to keep my shit together gives me reason enough to try and be a better person.

3. I don't regret quitting my job as a hairstylist almost three years ago. I miss doing hair sometimes, but I don't miss hauling my kids around to get to work for a paycheck that was barely covering expenses incurred from working. How sad that it sometimes cost me money to go to work?

4. I don't regret being slutty in college. I would never buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first no matter how gorgeous or cheap they were. Some people learn by seeing or being shown. I learned by trying every pair of shoes in the shoe store.

Sure, I got my heart broken more times than I'd like to admit and maybe I should have listened to that inner voice a little more often. In the long run however, I can't say that I regret any of it (OK, maybe a couple of them).

5. I don't regret going on crazy pills. This is a recent development here in the land of salty meat, and not something I ever planned on talking about here, but there you have it.

I spent way too long ignoring the unignorable. I had myself convinced that everyone felt the way I did. They just didn't talk about it. I was wrong.

My only regret is that I didn't deal with it sooner.

The Do Regrets:

1. I regret never living alone. I went from living at home to the dorms to having roommates to getting married. I never got to enjoy the kind of freedom one has knowing a space is all one's own. I missed my opportunity to do it when I could, and until my kids move out and my husband decides to get a trophy wife, I'm SOL.

2. I regret not finishing college. I could always go back, but time and money don't grow on trees. It's always in the back of my mind though. Someday.

3. I regret not cutting poisonous people out of my life sooner. Whether it was a bitchy friend who never had anything positive to say or a loser boyfriend who couldn't tell the truth to save his life, I regret not having the balls to tell them where to go. I always seemed to fall into that trap of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings even when the situation made me miserable. I know better now.

4. I regret not standing up for myself when I should have. I spent way too much time in my young adulthood not asking for what I wanted and/or needed. As hard and tough as I thought I was back then, that girl in her twenties would cower in front of the woman I have turned out to be.

5. I regret not owning my actions earlier in life. I also spent the better part of my 20's spending too much time blaming others for my own mistakes. With age has come the realization that I am responsible for my own choices and the fallout--and that that's not a bad thing. This to me is what led me to come to grips with my Atheism (after a whole life of being raised in a religious household).

I hope to look back on this post after a long while and not have anything to add to the bottom part of the list, but without regret what would spur us on to try new things and learn from our inevitable mistakes?

Un-regretfully yours,

The Bacon Lady

Just like the Girl Scouts, but drunker

For the record, Jim and I had a fantastic time at the little get together.

The bar was a hoot-just the type of place Jim has wet dreams about turning our extra room off the garage into.

When we first got there, I told the hostess that we were meeting a group of people. When she asked me who, I felt a metaphorical puddle forming at my feet. Aside from Grant (who, as I previously mentioned, I haven't seen in person in about 16 years), I didn't know anyone. And Grant hadn't arrived yet.

Sure, I've commented on their blogs and maybe seen a quick spapshot in a post or two, but I felt a growing sense of panic at the thought of tapping the wrong person on the shoulder.

"Hi, I write a blog. Am I here to meet you?"

I decided the gregarious group at the bar looked friendly enough not to laugh in my face.

"Um, hello. This is going to sound really weird, but who are you here to meet?"

She turned out to be the fabulously warm and easy-to-talk to MizBubs (who, if you don't know by now, is one sexy mama).

The drinks were holyshitstrong and by about 11, I was taking my shoes off to ensure my upright status.

It was such a cool experience to meet a bunch of people who, up until that night, were kind of like imaginary friends to me--the proverbial "girlfriend in the Niagra Falls area".

There's been so many times I've read what someone wrote and thought, "We could totally hang out and get drunk together!". And lookee loo, I got to do just that with a handful of 'em!

I'm really glad we went. I know Jim was more apprehensive about what the night would bring as he was even less familiar with those in attendance, but I know he had a good time too. I can tell he's having fun when his voice gets louder accompanied by wild arm gestures (of course, that also means he's drunk, but who's counting?).

You can read all about the evening (and see some photos) here and here.


P.S. I am taking part in some guest blogging, along with a host of others, at Grant Miller Media. Stay tuned.

Party Crasher

What am I doing tonight, you ask?

I'm getting gussied up and driving to lovely(?) River Grove to attend a gathering of a bunch of people I don't know (yet)...except for Grant but I haven't seen him for oh, about 16 years.

I'll be the overdressed redhead downing drinks, taking pictures and trying not to embarrass my husband.

Huzzah!

Grant Miller Asks the Tough Questions

I had the honor of being grilled by none other than Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media. I feel special, and not in a grocery-store-bagger-at-Kroger kind of way either.

I met Grant back in 1991 at an arts camp for high school kids (ironically enough in the very town I live in now), so if you want some juicy dirt on him from his youth...actually I don't have any, but I'd be happy to make something up.

Enjoy!


You and I actually know each other from the real world, but we haven't seen each other since 1993? 1994? Describe why you stopped returning my phone calls.

Well if you'll recall, it wasn't phone calls but letters I stopped returning. I wish they weren't packed in the storage unit. They are still hilarious to read 13 (or is it 14?) years later. Nothing blackmail worthy, but I could be convinced to share them in the future (royalties to be discussed at a later date).
I think I stopped returning them because I was busy doing important college stuff like getting drunk, hopped up on drugs, and having lots and lots of casual sex. That took up most of my time.


2. You worked in a hair salon in Bloomington, Illinois. What's the best way to style a mullet.

Funny you should ask. Just today I saw a man jogging down the street dressed in a 1985-era Bears jersey, matching shorts and knee high sports socks (with stripes). He had a white terry cloth headband holding down a glorious mullet/porn star moustache combo. I teared up a little.

He had the right idea. It's not just about 'business in the front/party in the back', but the look as a whole. One must commit to the mullet, for the mullet is not merely a hairstyle, but a way of life.

3. Keep the sideburns or shave them off?

You could shave them level with the top of your ears and start religiously watching NASCAR. Don't forget to pull back out that free tshirt you got from sending in your Marlboro carton UPCs.

4. You're trying to sell your house. What lies have told prospective buyers or their realtors?

If I get a little hint as to who's doing the looking, I "stage" the house. One time, I knew a professor from the private college in town was looking, so I put out a few pretentious books on the end table. If I know they have kids, I make sure the art table in the dining room has a couple of the kids' drawings set out on it.

One time I almost left something really embarrassing out that would have only appealed to a vampire.


5. Why should people read your blog?

I like to use the word "cunt" in many different forms. Also, I am friends with you which makes me awesome by proxy.