Thursday, May 3, 2007

Grant Miller Asks the Tough Questions

I had the honor of being grilled by none other than Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media. I feel special, and not in a grocery-store-bagger-at-Kroger kind of way either.

I met Grant back in 1991 at an arts camp for high school kids (ironically enough in the very town I live in now), so if you want some juicy dirt on him from his youth...actually I don't have any, but I'd be happy to make something up.


You and I actually know each other from the real world, but we haven't seen each other since 1993? 1994? Describe why you stopped returning my phone calls.

Well if you'll recall, it wasn't phone calls but letters I stopped returning. I wish they weren't packed in the storage unit. They are still hilarious to read 13 (or is it 14?) years later. Nothing blackmail worthy, but I could be convinced to share them in the future (royalties to be discussed at a later date).
I think I stopped returning them because I was busy doing important college stuff like getting drunk, hopped up on drugs, and having lots and lots of casual sex. That took up most of my time.

2. You worked in a hair salon in Bloomington, Illinois. What's the best way to style a mullet.

Funny you should ask. Just today I saw a man jogging down the street dressed in a 1985-era Bears jersey, matching shorts and knee high sports socks (with stripes). He had a white terry cloth headband holding down a glorious mullet/porn star moustache combo. I teared up a little.

He had the right idea. It's not just about 'business in the front/party in the back', but the look as a whole. One must commit to the mullet, for the mullet is not merely a hairstyle, but a way of life.

3. Keep the sideburns or shave them off?

You could shave them level with the top of your ears and start religiously watching NASCAR. Don't forget to pull back out that free tshirt you got from sending in your Marlboro carton UPCs.

4. You're trying to sell your house. What lies have told prospective buyers or their realtors?

If I get a little hint as to who's doing the looking, I "stage" the house. One time, I knew a professor from the private college in town was looking, so I put out a few pretentious books on the end table. If I know they have kids, I make sure the art table in the dining room has a couple of the kids' drawings set out on it.

One time I almost left something really embarrassing out that would have only appealed to a vampire.

5. Why should people read your blog?

I like to use the word "cunt" in many different forms. Also, I am friends with you which makes me awesome by proxy.


Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Congrats on the fine interview. And, you eally do say cunt more than almost anyone else I know!

Phil said...

I work with a scottish waitress who might be a good match for you in the use of "cunt."

Did we all know each other at one time or another in the real world? So wierd.

metrobabe said...

Gah! I am so jealous, yet have a new found respect for you, Bacon! Cunt is a magnificent word, and one that I am far too afraid to type into my blog because I work with the young and impressionable and I fear that it may slip casually into everyday conversation regarding something as simple as what's for lunch...example: "Oh that old cunt made curried chicken feet and Singapore noodles for lunch again today". Well done, you!

blueblanket said...

I say, if you're gonna have a mullet, HAVE one.

Beth said...

I have to admit, I admire a woman who can say cunt. Consider me a new and regular reader.

And ... if I send you $5, will you hit the storage unit and dig up those Miller nuggest?

Skylers Dad said...

Excellent interview, you have a new reader!

yllwdaisies said...

Just spent the last half-hour reading your blog. Hope your house sells at full asking price; I'll try to hit a squirrel or rabbit on the way home for you.

Chaylene said...

BSUWG: Thank you. I just can't fight to potty mouth.

Phil: Seems that way, doesn't it?

Metrobabe: The internet is such a valuable teaching tool, isn't it?

Blueblanket: Word.

Beth: We'll have to get Mr. Miller's signed consent first.

Skylers Dad: Thank you.

Yllwdaisies: I appreciate the solidarity. I wonder if the sale will go through more quickly if I bury the carcass in the front yard ....or is that only if the squirrel is Catholic?

dirty said...

Cunt is my all time favorite word...I like you.

Winter said...

Are you telling us you could have been Mrs. Miller?

Hanmee said...

Re #5: I'm not big on "inappropriate" terms, but when used in a witty fashion, they crack me up.

You crack me up.

Chaylene said...

Dirty: I like you too!

Winter: Doubtful. I think Grant thought of me more as a second cousin who smoked too much.

Hanmee: Then my work here is not a big waste of time. (Not that I'd stop even if it were...)

"jew" "girl" said...

we bonded over cunt :)

what a fabulous interview. we had a very similar college experience, demanding and slutty.

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