Saturday, May 5, 2007

Switching it up

We're having an open house this afternoon.

Since none of the other open houses or private showings have sold my house, the only conclusion I can come to is that I am going about this all wrong.

Maybe people don't want a sparkling clean house or uncluttered space. Perhaps I've misjudged the general house buying public.

I've decided that, instead of busting my ass to keep things neat for today's showing, I am going in a whole new direction.

Before: Floors swept and mopped to a blazing shine.
Today: Muddy dog paw prints and a puddle of juice in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Before: Beds made, belongings neatly stashed on shelves and in closets.
Today: Covers pulled down to reveal "wetspot" in master bedroom, handcuffs still attached to the bedpost.

Before: Back porch swept, ashtray dumped and hidden.
Today: Half empty, cigarette-filled beer bottles on back porch.

Before: Back yard mowed and poop scooped.
Today: Pile of dog feces on back steps in shape of Mt. Rushmore.

Before: Leave promptly at start time and leave the showing to my real estate agent.
Today: Stick around and have a few drinks. Proceed to verbally harass and/or make sexually suggestive comments anyone who stays for more than five minutes.


Wish me luck!

9 comments:

Coaster Punchman said...

I think you're on the right track here. I'd be more willing to buy a house from someone who has that much fun.

Love Monkey said...

This is something I'd do too.

I mean, all that effort - for what? Time to give it your - um, nothing.

yllwdaisies said...

Also, make bacon just before the start time, & offer it to the guests. Ppl will buy houses that they can see themselves makin & eatin bacon in.

Dave said...

Thats so crazy it just might work.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Excellent use of "wetspot." A+

Winter said...

Good luck!

Hanmee said...

Nudity sells.

Walk around naked, going about your business. Have contracts at the ready so they are too entranced to notice what they're signing (10% over asking, their first born, etc).

Oh, and fry the bacon. Nudity and bacon is a double whammy.

(PS - Have you tried perhaps a staging expert or at least online staging tips? Perhaps, as the owner of the house, there is something you have overlooked? Another thing....perhaps install a camera of some kind in case they make comments?)

Grant Miller said...

Sounds like good times.

"jew" "girl" said...

oh, that is perfect. love the wetspot and ciggy stuffed beer bottle.

so.... did it work?

For Your Scrapbook

My photo
I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.