Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Pants on Fucking Fire

Well, my worst nightmare in all of this house selling business has finally occured.

Someone showed up unannounced.

Oh, he said he called this morning. He said he left me a message to call him if it wasn't alright to come by.

He's a giant, cum-sucking liar!

Since the day we put the "For Sale" sign in the yard, I have had my cell phone on and by my side 24/7. It is clearly stated on the information sheet that realtors are to give me a minimum one hour notice before showing the house. As much as I try to keep the house in pristine condition, two little kids and two little dogs make it impossible.

I got home about noon after picking my older daughter up from preschool to find some old guy and a woman unlocking my front door. Thank the house gods I got to them before they actually opened the door, or my dogs would have given them the standard 'lick 'em 'til they're down" greeting.

I had about one minute to get the dogs on their leashes and the ashtray on the back porch stashed. The beds were not made, the carpet was not vaccuumed this morning. I don't even know if the toilet lid was down. To make the messy house look complete, I can only hope my older daughter pooped in the upstairs bathroom and forgot to flush (per usual).

I didn't even have time to put out the sign in sheet, so I may never even know who the hell this guy is.

After apologizing for the house not being perfectly picked up, I told them to take their time and thanked them for viewing the house.

I wanted to chew the guy out for being such a lying liar, but I figured I'd keep my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may.

Watch, this will be the one to buy the house. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

4 comments:

Winter said...

I'll wish on a star for you.

Grant Miller said...

He's going to buy it. I can tell. He's impulsive.

pezda said...

Maybe you need to sacrifice something bigger than a squirrel. Any Jehovah Witnesses been by lately?

Hanmee said...

Perhaps the potential buyer is someone like me whose house is so messy that your house will look comfortably lived in without looking sterile.

Gosh, my place is a sty.

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