This morning, on my way to the grocery store or "the Jewels" as someone likes to call it, I hit a squirrel.
I saw it running across the road in front of me at the last moment and tapped my breaks to try and avoid him. It didn't work. I heard the unmistakable thud, and when I looked back, his little furry body lay motionless in the street.
I've only hit one other living thing in my entire driving career. It was a hedgehog...I think.
I was driving with my husband one night and, one goddamn block from home, I see this flash of something about .04 of a second before I heard that horrible ka-chunk noise at my front right wheel.
I immediately broke down in sobs, barely making it home. I made my husband go back and make sure the little guy wasn't limping across the road, so he grabbed a shovel on his way out the door.
"What are you going to do with that?!" I blubbered.
"Scrape it off the road and throw it under a bush, of course." He's so romantic.
When he got back he told me that the hedgehog (or whatever it was) was dead and he gave it a proper scraping/bush toss.
Years later he fessed up and told me that it wasn't all the way dead when he got down there, and the shovel became a multi-tasker that night.
Apparently I have become something of a heartless bitch as hitting the squirrel today pissed me off more than upset me. I drive that road at least once a day everyday, and now I am going to have to be reminded of the carnage on a regular basis.
There is an upside to all of this though. Hitting that squirrel may have been just the magic spell to get my house sold. A few hours later, I got a call from my realtor. It seems the people who came to see the house today are most likely going to put in an offer! I don't want to get too excited, but this very well could be it. Who knew all it would take was a little animal sacrifice?
I've been mulling over the idea of hitting a few more puffy-tailed rodents in the hopes of getting over asking price.
4 comments:
I can only hope that when I depart from this mortal coil, I get a proper scraping/bush toss.
I dedicate my next hitting to you and your house.
(When it happens with me I tell myself they are trying to commit suicide.)
Jenna: The bush he threw it under was in front of an old folks home. Do you think they noticed the smell?
Winter: Good strategy. I think I'll refer to them as "suicide squirrels" from now on. Do you think Fox News would pick up that angle?
I was on a two-lane road around 2am in the middle of Texas. Out of nowhere there are two very large bucks standing at the very edge of the road. I swerve, but too late and manage to hit one.
I go into a ditch and have a hard time making it back out. I only figure out I can get out by reversing my way back out (otherwise no one would have seen me in there).
I check the road, but there is no sign of them so I guess they got the best of me.
At this point, one headlight is busted and the other is stuck on high beam (I really don't have much choice at this time of day). I get stopped by 4 different set of cops because of the obvious damage. They probably figure I'm some hit and run person until they check out the headlight and notice the deer fur caught in it.
That was some car rental return. And the one time I didn't buy the insurance.
Did I mention the car wouldn't turn left anymore (well, not very easily and not without making a grinding sound).
I was also uneasy during the rest of my drive as I suddenly was aware of all the numerous deer dotting the Texas landscape, with their hundreds of eyes shining back at me. I was afraid they were going to rush the car.
(Why I don't like Texas...)
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