Things to know before going to the salon

1. Don't be late.

Stylists work on a schedule. If one person is late, it can throw off the rest of their day, and that makes them cranky. Do you want a cranky person holding scissors an inch from your face? Didn't think so.

If you are going to be late, call ahead and let him/her know so at least they are prepared. But don't make it a habit or you may find they aren't able to get you in as easily as before.

2. Tip.

It doesn't have to be an extravagant amount, but leave something. Most stylists work on commission so they aren't seeing the entirety of what you pay for hair services. Add chemical fees and taxes to the mix and the amount the stylist sees is even less.

3. If you love your hair, tell your friends.

No amount of commercials or "specials" can replace word of mouth advertising. Stylists thrive on it to build their clientele. There is no greater compliment to your Hair Bitch than to have a bunch of people come in on another of his/her clients' recommendation.

4. Don't be an asshole.

Seems simple enough, right? Apparently not by the herds of fucktards filling appointment books everywhere.

For example, don't say you want a change, but refuse to change your hair.

"Um, I'd like a new look but don't cut any length off, and NO bangs. I don't want any layers in it either."

And that's a direct quote.

Don't buy professional products from the grocery store. It cuts into their ever-shrinking bottom line. The products are usually expired or possibly tampered with, and you're paying more than you would at the salon anyway.

Don't tell your six month pregnant stylist she is getting huge. (Sorry, had to throw that one in. It really stung.)

5. Don't cut your own hair.

Every woman I know snips at her bangs--no big--but chopping away at any other part of the haircut is asking for trouble.

I once had a client who cut the whole front of her hair after every haircut, then had the nerve to come in and blame me for the style not working. She thought I wouldn't know. I knew.

I knew another woman who bought herself some thinning shears(comb-like scissors used by stylists to thin out or create texture in a haircut)at the grocery store and hacked her hair into such a mess that she ended up with bald spots.

6. Don't dump your baggage at every appointment.

There's nothing wrong with taking your stylist into your confidence and sharing. Sometimes a hair appointment turns into more of a therapy session, and that's alright.

Just try not to unload every single time you see him/her. We have our own problems to deal with. We just have to pretend every thing's fan-fucking-tastic at work in order to deal with the public.

7. Unless they are getting a haircut too, leave your kids at home.

Getting your hair done should be a relaxing thing. I don't know many people who can relax with their 2 year old running around in the midst of hot curling irons, sharp scissors and potty-mouthed Hair Bitches.

If you absolutely must bring them, keep them in check. The receptionist is not paid to be a babysitter, and trust me--you don't want her babysitting your kids anyway.

8. Waxing etiquette:

I never braved waxing anything below the neckline, but heard many a tale from former coworkers.

--Take a shower beforehand.
--They've seen it ALL, so don't be embarrassed. Pretend you are at the doctor.
--Don't discuss your anal wart scars during a Brazilian bikini wax (I wish I were kidding, but this actually happened to a girl I worked with).
--Don't bring your boyfriend to a bikini wax (Again, true story. Turned out it was the waxee that liked to have her boyfriend watch her get her hoohaa fur ripped out).

9. Be nice to the receptionist.

He/She is the one who takes your appointment. Their weapon is an eraser (or the delete key) and they're not afraid to use it.

Get in good with the receptionist and you've got yourself an "in".


10. Trust your stylist.

If he/she tells you those chunky yellow Spice Girl-looking stripes won't work, believe them. If he/she tells you it's time to lay off the chemicals for while, believe them. If you're told that they can't get you in for eight weeks, you probably have a really amazing stylist or ....see #1 on this list.


Questions? I'm all ears.