Saturday, December 27, 2008

An open letter

Dear Polly Pocket,

I hate you.

Why must you be so small? Why must your shoes be the size of half an adult's pinky nail? Why must you have so goddamned MANY?

Thanks a lot for landing your plane in my living room! What kind of plane has a fashion model runway on it anyway? I noticed quite a few drink cups in this set. Agent not calling back as much as he used to? How many "lounges" does this plane need? And a blender? Who are you trying to kid? Where ya' hiding the good stuff?

Maybe it's inside of one of the 4,000 impossible to open suitcases that also came with the set. What am I, your fucking baggage handler now?

The instructions were of no help whatsoever. There are these things called WORDS that people sometimes put next to complicated pictures to explain how the hell the sides of the plane are supposed to stay level when this monstrosity of a vehicle is open.

Next time some relative of mine is shopping in your aisle, you just tell them to move along if you know what's good for you. You are no longer welcome in my house, especially after you moved in not one but TWO fashion glitter design sets a couple of weeks ago. I found glitter in my eye this morning. My eye, Polly. I am too old to go to raves so this is not something I enjoy.

Your clothes are kind of ugly anyway. And pretty skanky if I do say so myself. Fire your stylist.

In conclusion, please cease to exist at your earliest convenience.

Yours in Christ,

Bacon Lady


SkylersDad said...

Polly is nothing but a trashy girl who fell into some money by performing nasty deeds to an old executive of a big time firm.

Dale said...

I have no comment other than to say I laughed and laughed. I love the sign off too, I signed my graduation photo to my mother, something of a minor religious zealot with "Yours in Christ".

Little Jimmy Miracle said...

at least there wasn't endless "lights up and makes nloise" bullshit this year

KT said...

Oh, I bought this big piece of crap last year for my daughter. It fell apart, and so did I. I hate that little tart Polly Pocket. She is a money sucking little piece of crap. Tell her I said "Hey" because she no longer lives at our house nor will she ever again.

Alice said...

Hopefully Polly will be dead by the time my little girl wants this crap. My sisters love it and I have to take the tiny shoes out of my sons mouth everytime he goes over to grandmas.

For Your Scrapbook

My photo
I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.