Saturday, August 30, 2008

Pimps up? Hose down.

I've been addicted to the 24 hour news channels since yesterday afternoon when John McCain announced his running mate.

The more it sinks in, the more I kind of feel sorry for the old dude.

Yes, it was a "smart" move to try and woo the conglomerate of pissed off Hillary supporters to the dark side. And yes, unfortunately, it will work on some of them.

That's sad for so many reasons.

The only thing Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton have in common is a vagina.

And matronly hair.

None of this attempted wooing has any affect on me though. I've been an Obama supporter since the primaries. Actually I voted for Obama when he was running for the Senate, but I didn't know that much about him back then. All I knew was that he wasn't Alan Keyes, and that was good enough for me at the time.

I bring this up not just because it's what everyone is talking about, but to share a story from Disney World...

While waiting in line for Pooh's Honey Spot (is that what it's called? That's pretty pervy), I saw a young man wearing a t-shirt that stopped me in my tracks.

I'm always excited to see other people supporting the same candidate as me. Like, "Yeah, we're on the same team! GO US!". In this case though...I was kind of embarrassed.

The shirt in question featured an outline of Obama's face on top with Clinton's face below.

Over it was written:

"BRO'S BEFORE HO'S"

Yeah.

Not wanting to ruin my family's vacation I retracted the claws, and tried to ignore it every time we passed this guy in the ever winding line to see Audrey's favorite little bear all stuffed with fluff.

Most of me however wanted to shake this young man by the shoulders in an attempt to rattle his mind and "help" him figure out why his shirt sucks major donkey balls.

Don't we have better things to do than encourage the already abundant sexism in this race (country)? I want to see the humor in it. I really do. Worn ironically 15 years from now, I would be on the floor in a puddle of my pee from a fit of the giggles. But now? Not so much.

And we were in Florida--Land of the Republican. I couldn't help but take this guy's t-shirt as a sign that he doesn't truly care. Hell, maybe he isn't even registered to vote. He looked pretty young. Maybe he's not even old enough to vote?

Maybe the Republicans themselves are selling these t-shirts? After all, wasn't it the big R that was hocking the buttons which read: "Keep the White House White"?

The saddest part is that this guy was with what appeared to be his whole family--Mom and Grandma to boot. I have to draw the conclusion that they think the shirt is an OK statement too.

Way to forward the cause, assholes.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I think I'll pass

I got this email today from the president of the PTO at Mina's school. I've taken the liberty to remove any identifying information from it because I'm feeling a little paranoid today, but the rest is in its original form.


Good morning everyone!

I hope that your families have had a great beginning of a new school year! It's always so much fun getting new school supplies and clothes and shoes and getting to see all your friends you miss from last year! I still love a new box of Crayola crayons!

Doesn't (school name) look wonderful! It's amazing how quickly and how well they've gotten all the classrooms renovated!!! What a great place for our children to learn!!!

I just wanted to drop you a short line to let you know that we will be meeting for the first 2008-2009 (school name) PTO meeting on September 8th at 6:30 pm at (school name). Our meetings will be on the 2nd monday of each month for the whole school year with the only exception being in October. We will meet on October 6th instead!!!

We will be providing childcare during the meetings this year by high school students! So if you would like to come but don't have anyone to watch the kids, please feel free to bring them.

The data base is being created so we can keep more folks in the loop of happenings, so please forward this to all your friends at (school name) and ask them to reply so we can put them on the list as well!

We look forward to seeing everyone at the meeting!!!

Please call me if you have any questions!

Jamie M*****
(phone number removed)



What the holy fuck is with all the !!!!!!'s?

Who's this excited about the PTO? Why is she yelling at me? What's she like in person? Was she drunk typing?

I think I'm too scared to go.






Monday, August 25, 2008

Dance Party USA!

I had to add this video. Travis and Kevin got us this fantastic musical anniversary card. The girls LOVED it.


Naturally I had to get their dance on record even though Mina seemed awfully peeved that I made her perform ("OK! I'll do it!").


Why the hell do people have kids if they can't be entertained by them?








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Ten Years Equals PARTY!

I had a fantastic time at our anniversary party on Saturday. It was exactly what I wanted and needed it to be.


So many old friends, so much food and most importantly, lots o' liquor.


I hope we can do this again in another ten years!


I didn't take nearly enough pictures.



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This is how we started, but somehow ended up with 12 bottles by the next morning. I don't have to buy wine for a year!

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Travis being surly and pervy at the same time. I love him.

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Kim and Jill. This was at the start of the party, and Jill's being silly. The most ironic part is that she actually ended up like that by the end of the night. See where she's sitting? That's where she was standing as she sacrificed all her liquor back to my porch.

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We had keg issues. Three taps later, we finally had our Heineken.

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Jim is no doubt saying something VERY important

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Obligatory drunk hostess shot

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

If I knew you were comin' I'd a baked a cake

I'm having a bunch of friends over on Saturday for a party to celebrate the Mister and I's tenth annivesary.

I've been planning for a long time, and it's finally here.

I'm not worried about making food or having enough liquor. Anyone who's here can feel free to crash in any bed or open floor space they can find, so I'm not worried about anyone driving drunk.

No. My worry?

Cleaning my house.

I'm an OK housekeeper--meaning there isn't anything rotting underneath anyone's bed, the floors get vaccumed almost daily and I'm usually not worried about anyone seeing the state of my bathroom on most days.

Getting the house clean and keeping it clean are two completely different stories. I don't daydream about fancy vacations. No, my fantasies involve having a maid to follow my children around and clean up after them (and maybe some other stuff that has nothing to do with cleaning products...).

Honestly, I'm not usually this much of a freak when it comes to this stuff.

It's when I am having a gathering of people over that I panic.

Some of the friends coming to the party live far away and most of them haven't been to our house.

Considering the squalor we all lived in back during our college years, I really don't know why I have this obsession to get my house perfectly clean.

Why the fuck do I care if there are crumbs under the toaster?

But I do.

I'm really glad that I am back in school and working my brain a little. I'm a little bit scared of what I'm becoming.

Not that there's anything wrong with being home to cook and clean and all that shit. I actually enjoy it most of the time. It sounds weird, but I feel more sane when everything's picked up.

I know people that can live happily in chaos, but I can't even stand to wake up to dirty dishes from the night before.

I think part of it is that I finally live in the kind of house I've wanted to live in since I was a little kid growing up in tiny apartments. If I don't take care of it, it's almost as if I don't appreciate it.

Kind of like when people win the lottery and squander it all away in a matter of years. I don't get that at all. There's only so many lap dances one can get before it gets boring.

I plan on taking a million pictures on Saturday. Not only because so many old friends will be there but also to document how, for at least one day, my house was sparkling.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Had my first hospital call last night

And it went alright.

I got to work with one of our medical advocates. What a woman! She is just amazing--so calm, educated, caring and just really really good at what she does.

She was a great teacher to me last night. I felt like I came away with a better understanding of how to be a victim's advocate.

I got the page after I'd already been asleep for a couple of hours, so I scrambled to throw some clothes on (thankfully we don't have to dress up to do a hospital visit), and got my ass over there.

On the way there, a million things went through my head. I didn't know who was there waiting for me or what the scenario was going to be.

All I could think was that something bad happened to someone and it was my job to try and make the situation as easy and comfortable as possible--if it was possible. I couldn't let my emotion cloud what I was there for.

It's just really hard to not think about my girls and how I would deal if they were hurt in such a heinous and disgusting way. Or about friends that have had to deal with sexual assault, rape, molestation...

As soon as I walked in though, it was gone. I felt ready to deal with whatever they threw at me.

And I did.

The only thing I didn't like was leaving. My job, at this point in my volunteering, is to be there for support, give resources and be done.

I'm anxious to "level up" and work more on the prosecution's end. As much as I enjoy helping people in the thick of it, I really want to help put the perpetrators behind bars.

I'm working on it.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Back to Normal

We got home last night and now it's back to business as usual in the Bacon Family Household.



Had a great time despite the heat then the rain, then more heat and more rain.



We had to get the girls up SO early to get to the airport. I told them they could stay in their pajamas.



Mina thought it was cool we got to watch the sunrise.

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Our layover in Atlanta (which the girls kept calling "Atlantis")

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In Orlando we stayed at the timeshare where my Aunt and Uncle own a place. They told my Mom that we'd have a full kitchen and washer and dryer.



Uh...not so much.



But it was clean and fufilled our needs which was a place to sleep, shower and store our shit. Also, there was a washer and dryer in our building that we could use which was a good thing because I only brought enough clothes for half the week.



Our neighbors liked to stay up late and cook (burn) food at around 1am every night, so by the second day I stopped telling the girls to be quiet in the hallway in every morning.



Future neighbors be warned: If you're going to make all kinds racket until the wee hours, don't expect to sleep in.



Here's a shot Mina got at breakfast by the pool one of the mornings:



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It was just Grandma, the girls and I until Wednesday when my brother got there and Thursday when Jim got there.



We spent Monday and Tuesday at Sea World (or "Water World", as the girls kept calling it. No Kevin Costner to be found anywhere.)



It was so bright, I managed to keep getting crooked shots (that's my excuse anyway). Oh, and it was already close to 90 freakin' degrees by 9 o'clock in the morning.

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Meeting Elmo after the show:

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Cool merry-go-round:

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We fed dolphins:

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Saw the manatees (real and bronze):

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Played in Shamu's Happy Harbor:

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Mina liked playing in the sand most of all. Audrey is a bit more adventurous and loved the roller coaster and other rides.



We didn't end up seeing the Shamu show. My Mom and I were hellbent on taking the girls to see it, but they didn't really give a shit either way. This was a good thing as we would have had to wait in line for about an hour in the searing sun.



We did however get a couple pictures out front on our way out to at least say they saw a fiberglass replica of the whale.

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My brother arrived bearing gifts. He helped them make their own fairy getups:

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And now...the Disney experience:

Breakfast with Pooh and Friends

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I think he farted or something

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They look so glum, and we had just gotten there (maybe because it was already 95 degrees?)

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But they did cheer up

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Whoooooo!

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I think Audrey was trying to steal her jewelry

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And this is what we had on our hands by the end of day two:

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This is back at home. No Disney trip is complete without a lighter wallet. (Some of) the goods:

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Saturday, August 2, 2008

Cat's out of the bag!

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This in two parts because I had to stop to try and get them to sit still long enough to get them both in the shot.

It was worth a try anyway.

Now that it is half an hour later, I think it's finally beginning to sink in.

Oh, and the reason Audrey asks if she's coming too is because the last time we went, Audrey was way too young to appreciate the fun, so we only took Mina.

See ya' next week!

...Now what do you want to do?

Whoo Hoo! We're leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn!

I can't believe I've kept this a secret from the girls this whole time. Some of you may not now, but I have a BIG mouth.

In the past I've let a few things slip without thinking. One time I broke the news of a friend's pregnancy to another friend who didn't know yet. I felt horrible.

I'm working on it. This whole ordeal was a test of my blabber mouth for sure.

I've got just about everything packed. I started loading up the suitcases in secret a few days ago.

The other day we were at the grocery store and I bought some of those cheapy rain ponchos. Mina was pretty curious as to why I would buy such a thing when she and her sister have perfectly good raincoats hanging in their closets.

"It might rain." is all I told her, and she was satisfied with the answer.

My Mom is headed down here this afternoon, and I think we're going to sit the girls down after dinner and tell them what's up.

I was going to wait until we woke them up tomorrow morning to tell them, but I really want them to find out at the same time.

Yeah, they probably won't sleep very well tonight, but I think telling them tonight will get their little booties moving a little faster tomorrow morning. Considering we have to leave the house by a quarter to 5am, this is a good thing.

I'm going to catch their reaction to the news on video.

It should be posted tonight.

Friday, August 1, 2008

An Open Letter to my vacuum


Dearest Purple Dyson DC14,


I love you. You know that. We've made it through a lot, me and you.


Through it all, you've been there to pick up the pieces and the bits and dog hair.


Remember that one time I went to empty your canister and I ended up spilling a bunch of the debris you just vacuumed up? Did you say, "I told you so"? Did you rub it in my face that you tried to warn me I was pushing your fill capacity too far?


No.


You just laughed along with me and vacuumed it back up all over again. Good times...


Today though, I believe I may have pushed you past your limit.


I don't need to tell you how much mess two kids and two dogs make. You've been right there in the trenches with me.


Maybe I didn't notice the way you're always gently nudging me toward the couch cushions. Maybe not. Perhaps you wanted, like a good teacher, to let me figure it out all on my own.


And what a lesson it's been.


The horror of what I forced you to endure under those couch cushions (and then the chair cushions!) wasn't for the faint of heart.


I won't blame you if you don't speak to me for a little while. I know when to give a vacuum some space.


I'm leaving for a week soon, so it'll just be you my husband. Have you met him? No, I didn't think so. Perhaps some day you and he can make some sort of passing acquaintance.


He isn't on very good terms with the washer and dryer yet either, but I have hope he'll venture down to meet them someday as well.


But I digress.


Know that I feel terrible about our experience today and it's unlikely to happen again anytime soon. It truly hurt me more than it hurt you.


I expect some sort of class action suit from anyone who's ever sat on my living room furniture to start proceedings any day now. I'm guessing PTSD or mesothelioma.


You may never lose suction, but it is I who is doing all the sucking today.


Yours forever and always,

The Bacon Lady



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I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.