Monday, January 12, 2009

College was way more fun the first time around

I've got Mommy Guilt.

I've always hated that term.

I started my math adventure this morning. After a brief bout of nausea and some cold sweats I've decided that I am going to kick this class's ass. I have to just get over the fact that I haven't taken a math class since my sophomore year in college and I'm way out of practice. It probably doesn't help that that last math class was statistics and I was chemically altered for much of it.

I passed it though. I think I got a C. He must have been grading on one hell of a curve.

Because my class starts at 8am Mondays and Wednesdays, I cannot drive the girls to school those days.

It's not that Jim is incapable of covering that duty either. He pulls his weight around here in spades. I'm lucky that his work schedule allows him to do it too.

I just can't over the fact that I feel like I am shirking my responsibility as a Mom.

I quit my job to stay home with my girls almost 4 years ago. It's a decision I never saw myself making. However, though I want to hide in the bathroom with a bottle of bourbon some days, it's been one of the best choices I've ever made.

I know how lucky I am to have that choice in the first place. I know that going back to school is important and that, again, I am lucky to have the choice to do it. I know all this, but because it is something that is just for me, I feel guilty.

I guess in the big picture, this is not all for me. Once I am done with this degree then (hopefully) the next, I will be in position to have a new career to provide a future for my kids that doesn't include student loans and money worries.

My furthering my education is not only a benefit to me, but to my girls. Also, once I have a real live paycheck with health insurance benefits, I can lighten the load on my husband. I know it doesn't seem like a dude who runs a comic book store would work his ass off, but he does. He might have a great time doing it, but he pours a lot of himself into it.

He doesn't worry about money like I do which is good. He plays the straight man to my neurotic kookoopants around here. I know money shouldn't matter, but it sure seems to when you're not real sure if it's going to be there when you need it.

We have a home, food on the table and the utility bills paid so I shouldn't complain. And I'm not. I just get nervous about the state of the economy right now. People don't put comic books high up on their list of "needs", so I know the bottom could fall out at any moment.

And maybe that all ties with the guilt I am feeling. I'm spending money to go back to school when we should be saving as much as we can in case the well dries up. But I need to go back to school to get a job to have money to save.

Blabbity blah blah.

Just tell me to get over it already.

7 comments:

SkylersDad said...

I won't tell you to get over it because I am right there with you. Kathy is going back to school for a couple of months to get her Certified Nursing Assistant degree so she can get paid to care for Skyler as well as a couple of other kids if need be. We can use the extra income because we are drowning in debt!

Scope said...

I will tell you to get over the guilt thing. While we are in vastly different situations, me being single with no dependents, there's more than enough out there to obsess over rather than who drives the kids to school 2 days a week.

You are not SPENDING money on your education. Your are INVESTING the money, and the ROI is going to be higher than the stock market will get you.

And you're doing SOMETHING about it. You've got a plan. The plan can always bew tweaked and adjusted, and it's better than analysis paralysis where you stand there flapping you hands and mutter, "ohmygodohmygodoh$ygod". You are now in control. Use that for strength.

Oh, and get over it. ;-)

Bubs said...

I think that it sets a great example for kids to see their parents engaging in learning, going to school. At least my kids have said so.

Earth Muffin said...

I think it's awesome that you're going back to school and you have no reason to feel guilty about that one morning a week. As much as your girls love you, I'll bet they love having Dad's undivided attention for that time each week.

And I hear you on the money thing. I wish we could plant a money tree in our backyard...or, I could be like my kids and "just write a check", without worrying.

Grant Miller said...

College is for suckers.

Alice said...

Great for you.... I am in the same boat

Little Jimmy Miracle said...

I'd rather take a savage, savage beating maybe a stabbin' or even do some painting than do math.

You are by far a stronger person than I.

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