Saturday, October 27, 2007


Dear girl holding up traffic,

I get it. You have great posture and HUGE tits. Congratufuckinglations.

Dear Garlic Press Deli,

Your pumpkin bread is so good it almost makes me believe in God. Whoever made this deserves knighthood or princessdom or at the very least, a street named after them.

Dear woman who teaches 90 percent of the exercise classes I take,

I'm sure you're a nice person in "real life" so I'm sorry for the eye lasers during class(es). I can't help but give dirty looks to someone when they are making me want to cry in public (though my waist and ass thank you for your efforts).

Dear Weather Gnomes,
Please make it nice out tomorrow so I don't feel bad for making my dogs stay outside during the birthday party.

Dear Dogs,
Don't pee on the pumpkins, OK?

Dear Spellcheck function,
"Congratufuckinglations" is a word.



Grant Miller said...

Could you write more about the woman with great posture?

Michael K said...

I applaud this latest addition to the American lexicon. Bravo!

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

Aha, but maybe the pumpkin bread tastes so good because of the dogs peeing on the pumpkins?

For Your Scrapbook

My photo
I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.