Thursday, March 8, 2007

Gonna' make you sweat

Why do they have to play such awful music in the exercise classes I go to? It's like a gay nightclub circa 1992, except without all the sexy sweaty homosexuals to dance inappropriately with. (*For the record, I LOVE going to gay nightclubs any chance I get.*)
"Cool down" is even more embarrassing. We travel from The Manhole to a cheesy, lite rock cruise ship. Celine Dion is a screeching mess of a woman. I have no interest in stretching while she's singing. Retching, yes. Stretching, no.

And why did they have to hire "Hot Guy Painters, Inc." to paint the gym? Management could have at least sent out a mass email warning me that I'd be doing squats four inches from the window they were edging. The worst part? They didn't even look up from what they were doing. Dammit people! Throw a girl a bone.

I like exercising. It makes me feel better, sleep better and ultimately squelches any guilt I feel about the cupcake I ate after breakfast this morning.

For me, it's not really about health though. If it were, I would have given up cigarettes and french fries a long time ago. It's about vanity.

I'm chugging through my 30's here and after a couple of babies, the body starts to rebel a bit. I absolutely refuse to wear "Mom Jeans". High-waisted, peg-bottomed pants will never hang in my closet. I also refuse to willfully wear anything with words printed across the ass, but that was an executive decision passed down in high school. And no sweat pants. Thank the babyjesus for yoga pants (all the comfort, none of the humiliating elastic).

In order to still be able to shop for fun clothes and not cry in the dressing room, I work out. I have to. My genetic makeup demands it.

I suppose the gym may be onto something hiring these delicious young men to repaint the walls. Maybe it's subtle motivation.

I'm not sure what they're thinking with the music.

5 comments:

Winter said...

I LOVE gay clubs. I get all my drinks for free until they find out I'm married.

"jew" "girl" said...

girl, we are so on the same fuckin' page. I'm a yoga pant whore!

aging... not so festive.

Hanmee said...

Music is such an important motivator and is often overlooked. At best, they match the rhythm and speed, but that's about it.

The first time I seriously started exercising and dieting, I made this mixed tape (yes, 1994) of all kinds of (very very hokey) music and it was motivating.

I produced a similar mix (with a few newer songs) on my MP3 player for the same reason. Now, if I could just get myself to the gym.

I am currently trying to work my way down to the yoga pants stage. Still too big for those to work right.

Grant Miller said...

Great. There goes the teddy bear sweatshirt I bought you for your birthday. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Dr. Daddypants said...

I was just thinking today how fucking loud and shitty the music was this morning.

For Your Scrapbook

My photo
I like stuff and things. I've been married for close to 14 years and have two miniature versions of myself running around (and it frightens me most of the time). I have never been nor will I ever be a vegetarian.