Sunday, June 17, 2007

Weird

Tonight is the last night we will be sleeping in this house.

The movers are coming tomorrow to take all of our furniture, including our beds, to the new house. We'll be back through the next week or so to get the rest of the little stuff (that we probably don't even need at the new house, but have to get out of here anyway), but we won't be living here after tonight.

I've moved so many times in my life, but this time it's different. This was my first house. Literally my first as my parents didn't own a property until I moved away from home.

I was so excited to be a homeowner when we purchased this place. I had never lived anywhere that I could paint the walls any color I wanted to--that I had my own fenced yard, my own washer and dryer, my own garage.

My children were conceived, brought home from the hospital and raised all their short little lives in this place. Hell, even my dogs don't know any other place as home.

Am I crazy for feeling like I am betraying "old house"? I'm not completely loony. I know houses don't have feelings. It just seems like I've been in such a rush to get the hell out of here that I'm not appreciating what this house has meant to me--warts and all.

It's going to take me a while to get used to sleeping, showering, cooking and just living in a whole new set up. I think I'll feel like I am visiting for a while, or housesitting maybe, until it all really sinks in that the new house is home.

I was putting all our ktichen stuff away today and it felt so strange to see all this familiar stuff in such a foreign environment. I almost felt panicked--like I had to have it all "just so", as if I couldn't change it once it's been placed. I think I just need everything to be back to normal right this second, or I'm going to fall apart.

My inlaws were in town today and my Father in law helped my husband put up some new curtains in the living room. My Mother in law kept asking me to come in there to "tell them how I want them". Fuck, how about left to right? I don't care. Just hang 'em straight, ferchrissakes.

I don't want to make any more decisions. I don't want to paint anymore. I don't want to spend any more money at Lowes, Bed Bath and Beyond or Target.

I just want to move in, lay down on my same broken in, dog hair-covered couch and watch a rerun of a show I love.

7 comments:

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I hear you... it's not weird at all. But, I do want to add one comment. See, I'm a Home Depot guy (as opposed to a Lowe's man). To me, that's the absolute best part of moving -- all those trips to Home Depot. Since I'm an atheist, I've more or less adopted Home Depot as my church. Honestly, I'm overcome with excitement and awe every time I go into that store -- especially when I'm there to buy lumber. Now that's weird.

Winter said...

BSUWG: I wonder if you would be in awe and excitement over what I do for a living. (And it's not working at Home Depot.)

Beth said...

I go through those sad feelings of betrayal every time I move.

Grant Miller said...

It's very important to match the curtains with the carpet.

jewgirl said...

awww, it's the fear of change thing kicking in. so normal... you'll take all of those delicious memories with you and make a whole lotta new ones. very sweet indeed.

hanmee said...

You're not "betraying" the house, but I think it's understandable that you feel that way. It's different moving from apartment to apartment vs a place that was really yours, especially the first place that was really yours.

I express frustration at the crap with my house and car (first car that I've owned) that we have to take care of, but I sometimes find myself whispering it. I don't think the house is alive or has feelings, but I guess I feel like I am hurting their feelings.

PS - Just saw your comment about boobs. Still figuring out some of the features, but I guess it had been set aside as "possible" spam. Guess boobs sends up a flare. Ha.

Jenna said...

Awww, I remember that feeling. I was moving 3000 miles away and our furniture was already all packed up and we were sleeping on an old futon in an empty house with no lamps. So I guess I was more annoyed than sentimental. But your first house is always dear to you, big baby or not.

I was going to make the same crack about the drapes matching the carpet but that bastard "grant miller" beat me to it.

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